Pack Mentality...in a good way.

I don't know about you, but I was made to run in a pack.  I long to be a part of something greater than myself.  I need the socialization I get from being in a pack.  The encouragement, discipline, TRUTH, fun and everything else that comes along with being in a pack.

I am lucky and come from a great pack.  My family is awesome and I am lucky to have them.  My sisters are fantastic and my brother likes me (ha, that's a good thing!) My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are phenomenal.  Yeah, we have our issues.  But we choose to love anyway.

Having said that, I was actually thinking more tonight of my "herd" if you will.  I love Ice Age.  I love ALL of the Ice Age movies.  I haven't seen Continental Drift, so no spoilers please!! 

What I love most about Ice Age is that they create their own herd when time, space etc separate them from their pack of origin, again, if you will. 

I was sitting here thinking of how some of the people I know tend to be quite content without having a good girlfriend to laugh with, chat with, be silly with etc.  Only having acquaintances for the occasional play date etc and I realized with 100% clarity that I will  never fit that mold. 

Don't get me wrong, my husband and children need to be tended to first, but I also need the rest and rejuvenation only a good girlfriend night out can give...even if it's kids in bed and Scattergories on the kitchen table. 

Anyway, I just wanted to salute my herd.  Thank you Beth Hart, Cassondra Harris, Corrie Alcaraz, and Beckah Carr.  One is my original herder.  HA.  And two are my California herd, one part of California, but also herd by marriage!!  But what I know is that my California herd is definitely like my original friend herd.  Meant to go the distance, through time and space.  I miss you guys.  I love you guys.  And I am so thankful that my pack of origin and my herd of  hilarious friends are so awesome. 

This is not to leave out my other "herderettes:"  Jeniece Wiessner, Shelly Schrimpf, Chantel Seas, Aubrey Racey, Carly Kerr, Erin Harding, and Karen Cole.

And of course, special shout out to my Ohio Herders, Heather Koon and Mindy Braumiller. 

And as Sid would say: "You're hanging out with me now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it."

I loooooooove you!!!!

Cat got my tongue...

Hello out there in Blog World.  I haven't posted recently....haven't had much to say.

Went to visit my sis in South Carolina and that was a loooooooooong drive with 4 kids under 6 and no hubby.  But we had a blast!  We did Avery's 4th birthday at a water park (super fun)  I personally LOVED the slide.  Met up with some of my fellow twin moms and headed to the zoo, then to Amanda's for a BBQ.  It was a great day! 

Went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Va for a day and that was also a total blast!   What was not fun was the drive home.  HOLY TRAFFIC!  Ugh. 

We've been home a few days now.  Trying to get back into the swing of things.  I kind of went wiggy today and realized I can't handle the clutter anymore.  Today I declared my living room to be clutter free.  The rest of my house may go to Clutter Hell in a handbasket, but I must have this oasis of clutter free.  I must!!  Currently feeding the man Goldfish...and not fast enough according to him.  Barbie's Christmas Carol is on TV and I am multi tasking.  Up next?  Vacuuming and getting dinner started...yeah, I am uber exciting. 

Oh, I had some pics taken...Look at my beautiful kidlets, niece and nephew and my oh-so-adorable almost one year old!!

For better or worse

Man, I know I have the reputation for being a happy, upbeat girl...NOT that you could tell by the last few posts.  Happy girl is in there, she's just laying low looking for her opportunity out. 

This transition has been rough.  On me in particular, but that is starting to bleed out to the rest of my family.  My kids certainly deserve a better me.  But my husband in particular, really, REALLY does.  I'm hoping my upcoming trip to visit my sister really helps lift my mood.  I need it. 

The way things have been just have me thinking about my vows.  And how Jason is honoring his in this "worse" time for me.  I can't be very easy to love when I am so out of sorts.  I've been moody and crabby and mean.  I finally realized last night how badly I must have been behaving, because for the first time in over 7 years of marriage, my husband went to bed without telling me goodnight or that he loves me.  Sleep must have been a nice escape. 

It really hurt my feelings and I got myself a little worked up over it...ok, a LOT,   But then, I realized, it isn't really about me.  That was about Jason and his need to self protect.  It made me feel very small.  I miss my husband and I miss me.  I miss US! 

Ever been in a room full of people and felt completely and utterly alone?  That's how I've been feeling.  My sleep is messed up, my attitude sucks and I feel very overwhelmed.  I was thinking of a song  last night when I was in the middle of working myself into a state, the lyrics are as follows:

"I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud." 

I think it's odd that I have spent so much time with Jason and yet when things get out of whack, I'm not sure how to approach him.  So I simply said "I miss you."

He said "I miss us."  Which is ironic since that was AFTER I wrote the above paragraph.  So tonight, when the kids at VBS and Levi tucked in bed, I'm just going to hug my husband, and maybe cry a little, because for better or worse, he's on my side. 

I love you Jason.

 

Debbie Downer must die!

Ok, ok, so that may be a little dramatic.  But I feel like a Debbie Downer.  Or a Witchy Wanda or Groaning Gail or maybe a Miserable Mindy.  Whatever, pick a name.  At some point in the last week these have ALL fit me. 

I am trying to remember that I had an equally hard time adjusting to California.  The people here tend to stick to themselves A LOT.  Which is hard for me.  There are groups and cliques and gossip mongers.  Yes, I realize these are EVERYWHERE, but I am trying to find out where we belong here. 

I am desperate for a girlfriend that can come over and drink tea (ha-diet coke if you know me!) and have a playdate.  I just need someone (other than my awesome husband) that is an adult that I can talk to...

I try to text and call Cali, but it seems every time I have an opportunity, it's not a good time there.  Darn you 3 hour time difference!!

The longer it takes to find a church the more I can feel myself getting crabby and withdrawn and I hate it.  I need to be surrounded by other people of God.  I miss the community of Newbreak.  I miss my peeps.  Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Maybe I should have also said a crying Cathy???

Please PLEASE keep praying that we find a new church home soon.  And a friend.  Friends for my kids (which I know they will make when school starts) friends for Jason.  I stink at discernment and boy, that would be a helpful gift to have when picking out a new church.  Gosh, we've been so lucky in Ohio and California on quickly finding a church home. 

I'm also sad because Jason works so much.  Yes, I know the life of PAO, Been there.  Done that.  But man, it's harder when you're the one at home with 4 kids wishing you could 1) spend time with your husband and 2) give your husband the kids and get out of the house.  But 2 never happens, cause 1 is more important.   I also think it's stressful because I don't know that Jason really gets how stressful it is to be constantly with the kids. I know he gets how much a handful they can be, annoying, whining, fussy, messy fighting creatures...but it's the constant mental and physical toll of being the main parent 24/7 .  It's such an effort to get out of the house with all 4 kids, I feel home bound some days.  Of course, there isn't as much to do here and no one to go with...

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? ...

I kind feel like a need a "two."

But then I think of God's word to me so often in my life:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11

Thanks for letting me mope a bit.  I miss you all. 

Road trip!

We like to party.  We like, we like to party.  Are you singing it in your head yet?  No? Google it.  GO!!! 

Phew we have been BUSY lately.  Two weekends in a row up at the mountain in Vermont.  We got to see Jenn, Odie, and kiddos (Jesse, Bella and Jacob) the first weekend and I had NEVER met the twins and Jenn had never met our twins and they are 4!  Long overdue in seeing the Florida clan. 

We also went to Uncle Shaye and Auntie Sam's house that weekend and Elijah wants to go back ASAP. 

Back up the next weekend for the Annual 4th of July party.  It was awesome seeing everyone.  Well, everyone minus the Florida peeps and Beckah.  Who is only God knows where....I have a good idea, but I'm not sharing.  LOL.

And as an added bonus, some of my "original clan" came up to New England.  We had Dave, Stacey, Blake, Abbey and Bo for 3 days and it was AWESOME!  Got to celebrate Bo's 16th birthday with him, which was awesome.  We checked out Ocean Beach in New London and had a blast, tried a Wood fired pizza place for dinner and it was DELISH.  It was just nice having them with us.  I miss them too much now.

And since a recent cross country driving trip was NOT enough, next weekend the kids and I head out to see Auntie Toni, Uncle Mike, Regan, Avery and Addison Grace!  In Columbia, South Carolina!   I am so excited, but I'll be honest, NOT looking forward to the drive.  I have to leave my hubby at home....I wonder if he would be able to take leave?  Hmm.  Probably not.  I rarely see him here.  Work work work.  AGHH. but I digress.

Road trip bound!  And then we get back and head to the Cape for a weekend.  After that, this girl is NOT MOVING for a week.  Just gonna sit and stare blindly at  the wall.  Haha, I wish.

SO say some prayers for my sanity, would ya?  And safe travels of course. 

The drive will be long, but the trip oh so worth it.  Haven't seen my sissy in 7.5 months.  Which may not seem long to some of you, but it's too long for me. 

Anyway, expect party pics.  They may look a little like this: