Have you ever wanted something so badly but felt it was out
of reach? Or impossible for you to
attain? Unrealistic? Or that you weren't capable? And so on and so
forth?
I stepped out into a ministry at church this year that I
believe strongly in. I love it and I
have fun and yet sometimes I think, "if they only knew...what I was
thinking...what I have done...the things I have said..." Quite honestly, I often feel like an
imposter. How can I, Trish Perry,
possibly show God's love and Grace to other people? I am afraid that I will go along just being
me and screw it up. Then people will say
"Can you believe her?"
I long to be a valuable part of a team that makes a safe place where
everyone is welcome. Every stage of
life, experience of life is valuable and meaningful and welcomed. I am part of such a team, yet I wait for
someone to tell me- never mind, we know you now.
I have all these swirly weird thoughts in my head because I
have been given an opportunity. One I
want to jump into both feet first! But
instead, I am taking some time. I am
letting myself have these weird conversations in my head, having them in my
prayers with God, asking some people who I consider mentors what they
think.
As I sit here in absolute joy and fear, I am reminded that
God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. So, I am doing something that is so against
my nature and I am being still and waiting to hear from God. He knows that with Him, I can and will thrive
where He places me. He invites me to
call upon Him in my self-doubt and fear of failure. I
don't want anyone to look at me and say "you hypocrite!"
I can't be anything other than me. I can work on being patient ( and all the
other fruits of the spirit- I need them!) and trying to be more like Jesus
every day, but He knows who I am. I just
need to work on being faithful to remember WHOSE I am. When people look at me, I want them to say
"there's something about Trish. How
can I be/feel/act that way?" It's
not me that's special, it's God moving in me that allows me to help others. And that's really what I want at the end of
the day. I want to help other people
feel loved. Feel needed. Feel included. Belonging- with all of our baggage. The good and the bad. We're not alone. We're all unique. We all have a space to occupy in this
world. I hope that God says
"GO!" and I can jump in and swim along with others on this path to
eternity. That I can show love and
acceptance to all I encounter, that I can make a difference in the lives of
others.
