Never Grow Up!

My girls love Taylor Swift! LOVE HER!  Much like most young girls in America!  Ava has a little Princess CD player in her room and she requested to listen to a Taylor in her room tonight.  Then she asked me to sit with her for a while, so I did.  And she LOVES the song "Never Grow Up." 

It's such a sweet moment to listen to your baby sing the words:

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

 

*cry*  So sweet.  So poignant.  So true.

 

There are days when I pray for Jason to get home at night!  Days I feel so frustrated and pushed past my limit.  Days where NOTHING will satisfy my children.  It's too hot, it's too cold!  Ava is looking at me!  Ava's NOT looking at me.  Tessa won't play with me.  Tessa won't stop playing with my stuff.  Elijah is being too loud.  Elijah won't talk to me. And so on and so forth. 

 

And then, I listen to this song and I hear this line:

 

"I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone"

 

And while in the song it is a line from the child realizing that she'll one day have a life totally different than the one she knows, this is true for me too.  This crazy, hectic, frustrating, exhilarating, fun, messy, chaotic, joyful time in my life is really just a blink of an eye.  I hope on the days I am overwhelmed, I can remember this!  I mean, how blessed am I????

 

 

 

Here's a link to the song for anyone who'd like to hear it. 

http://youtu.be/f4gEM7w98wM

Coping with loss

Today, I attended the funeral of a sweet 6 week old baby.  It was a beautiful, blue skied, sun shining day.  It was also cold and windy.  As I stood at the grave site I was transported back to another day, another infant funeral, in a different time. 

The death of infant will NEVER make sense to me.  But what I have learned is that it doesn't have to...God knows how that baby impacted the world.  He knows WHO was impacted.  As I stood there today, Baby Jeremiah's dad said "look at how many people are here for his funeral, his life was short, his impact was great." 

Let me do some back story here.  Last week Friday at our couples Life Group, I shared with everyone how much sadness I was feeling recently over Sophia's death.  How I  sometimes don't feel prepared to fully trust in God in certain areas of my life because I am afraid.  Afraid something so tragic in my life again could cause me to lose faith in God.  And I am here to tell you, that scares me for many reasons!  The first being that I long to live in heaven one day.  Paradise!  Who wouldn't want that??

But the second reason I will discuss today is my belief and faith in God, is my "ticket" to paradise.  I can't earn it or buy it or steal it or come to it any other way than through Jesus, who bought my ticket with his blood.  And I am DESPERATE to  see a special someone there.  Yep, Sophia.  I know without a doubt that I would have never survived, much less thrived after she died if I did not KNOW without a doubt that I will see her again one day.  My sweet first baby living with the GOD of the universe in a special house, prepared just for her.  And he delights in her!  Which makes me jealous, cause, oh how I wanted to delight in her then, now and always. 

Sweet baby J passed away Sunday.  2 days after this weighing on my heart of Sophia.  I pray that Jason and I can be lights in the life of our neighbors.  Sounding boards, sympathetic listeners, givers of hope, a light in the dark season.

The hope I have is that God tells us in the bible that the kingdom of God belongs to children.  He has a special place in his heart for them.  And I know that they have it far better than us.  No pain, no sorrow.  And LOVE so great, never ending, all encompassing love.   

The sorrow is that we are here without our babies and other loved ones.  So many questions of what could have been...I know that Sophia and Jeremiah's, Evan and Ella's, Jr, Maggie and so many other babies gone to soon served God's greater purpose.  Their purpose may be SO GREAT that we may never see it come to fruition in our life time.  Their lives had meaning, purpose, joy and love in just the blink of an eye. 

If a baby can impact so much, in such little time, think of what WE can impact!!  Who can we show the love of God to in this world?  Who can we impact for the kingdom of God?  What is holding us back?  We have only today.  We are not promised tomorrow.

So today, I choose to be thankful for the 15 days I had with Sophia and the 6 weeks my neighbors had with Jeremiah.  Because they taught us all something.  They left their mark.  And they fulfilled God's purpose for them in this life. 

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as she closed the book,
'too beautiful for earth'! "

New Year, New You?

Time is zooming by...January 9th.  The whole year is going to fly by...

In 17 days my baby turns 7.  7!!!  And my actual chronological baby is 17 months old today!

So far in 2013 the following things have happened in my life:

I got sick. 

Well, that sums that up.

Hahaha. 

I don't really get into the whole New Year Resolution thing, because I think ANY time is a good time to make a change or try and do better at something that you already do. 

However, I do believe in setting goals for oneself.  I have a few goals I feel necessary to put on paper. 

1.) I want my faith to grow abundantly and that requires discipline on my part.  Being faithful to my devotions.

2.) I will not let myself do retail therapy (which is odd anyway because I don't really enjoy shopping)

3.) I will continue on my quest to a healthier me.  My first main goal is running the Color Me Rad 5k in April.  And a year long goal for me would be to weigh 75 lbs less than I do now. 

4.)  I want to work at being a Proverbs 31 wife.  I have an amazing husband.  And he is soooo good at being married.  I want to be as good at being married as he is...

5.)  I want to be a better mom.  I can always do better.  I love my children.  My goal is to be less reactionary.  They can get some REALLY good reactions out of me!! 

6.)  I vow to be better at saving. 

7.)  I want to buy more produce that is locally grown.

8.)  I plan to buy more things that say "MADE IN AMERICA"

9.) I want to save money for a real vacation.

10.) I promise to set my cell phone down and really focus on the world (and people) around me!

So, what are your 2013 goals?  I really want to know!  I need accountability and I am sure other people do too?  RIGHT???