Coping with loss

Today, I attended the funeral of a sweet 6 week old baby.  It was a beautiful, blue skied, sun shining day.  It was also cold and windy.  As I stood at the grave site I was transported back to another day, another infant funeral, in a different time. 

The death of infant will NEVER make sense to me.  But what I have learned is that it doesn't have to...God knows how that baby impacted the world.  He knows WHO was impacted.  As I stood there today, Baby Jeremiah's dad said "look at how many people are here for his funeral, his life was short, his impact was great." 

Let me do some back story here.  Last week Friday at our couples Life Group, I shared with everyone how much sadness I was feeling recently over Sophia's death.  How I  sometimes don't feel prepared to fully trust in God in certain areas of my life because I am afraid.  Afraid something so tragic in my life again could cause me to lose faith in God.  And I am here to tell you, that scares me for many reasons!  The first being that I long to live in heaven one day.  Paradise!  Who wouldn't want that??

But the second reason I will discuss today is my belief and faith in God, is my "ticket" to paradise.  I can't earn it or buy it or steal it or come to it any other way than through Jesus, who bought my ticket with his blood.  And I am DESPERATE to  see a special someone there.  Yep, Sophia.  I know without a doubt that I would have never survived, much less thrived after she died if I did not KNOW without a doubt that I will see her again one day.  My sweet first baby living with the GOD of the universe in a special house, prepared just for her.  And he delights in her!  Which makes me jealous, cause, oh how I wanted to delight in her then, now and always. 

Sweet baby J passed away Sunday.  2 days after this weighing on my heart of Sophia.  I pray that Jason and I can be lights in the life of our neighbors.  Sounding boards, sympathetic listeners, givers of hope, a light in the dark season.

The hope I have is that God tells us in the bible that the kingdom of God belongs to children.  He has a special place in his heart for them.  And I know that they have it far better than us.  No pain, no sorrow.  And LOVE so great, never ending, all encompassing love.   

The sorrow is that we are here without our babies and other loved ones.  So many questions of what could have been...I know that Sophia and Jeremiah's, Evan and Ella's, Jr, Maggie and so many other babies gone to soon served God's greater purpose.  Their purpose may be SO GREAT that we may never see it come to fruition in our life time.  Their lives had meaning, purpose, joy and love in just the blink of an eye. 

If a baby can impact so much, in such little time, think of what WE can impact!!  Who can we show the love of God to in this world?  Who can we impact for the kingdom of God?  What is holding us back?  We have only today.  We are not promised tomorrow.

So today, I choose to be thankful for the 15 days I had with Sophia and the 6 weeks my neighbors had with Jeremiah.  Because they taught us all something.  They left their mark.  And they fulfilled God's purpose for them in this life. 

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as she closed the book,
'too beautiful for earth'! "