Battlefield of the Mind

How on earth has it possibly been a month since I have posted.  I must be the worlds worst blogger.  In that time I have had brilliant ideas for blogs.  Did I write them down?  No, No I did not.  *insert sigh here.* 

There seems to be so much going on all the time and yet at the same time, nothing life changing.  Each day kind of blends into the next.  I'm enjoying my kids and can NOT wait for summer vacation!  14 days and we are free for summer!  YAY!!

When I think of seasons, I always think of spring as a time of renewal.  Look at all the beautiful flowers popping up, we've planted a vegetable garden and we have so much green to enjoy.  And yet, I can't help but feel my spiritual life is stagnating.  Does it just feel that way?  Am I doing something that is making me feel that way?  I recently was reminded that God requires our cooperation, but he tells us in his word, in Philippians 1:6 "⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

Sometimes I doubt my "savedness."  I don't think that is a word, so you're welcome.  But this is the thing, I know that I know that I know, I accepted Jesus when I was 11 years old, it was amazing.  It was sad, scary and all together joyful and lovely.  Sad because of facing my sins and repenting (breaking my heart for what breaks His) scary because, man, he asks me to do a lot of things I simply do not want to do.  Joyful and lovely due to His peace.  His hope. His love.  His Grace.

So with all of that, my heart was on fire.  This girl was on fire.  (please, please, if you love me, you will SING that line) But then, the fire faded, was dampened, until only a smoldering mess was left.  In the worlds eye, I was a pretty "good" person.  I was in the Army, I took care of myself, I was smart, savvy, capable, strong and disciplined.  But oh I knew what I was really like.  And I thought constantly "How can anyone love me?" 

And I realize during this sleepy, hibernating spring that what is tamping my flame down is the lie of the enemy.  How many times must I fall for the same tricks of the deceiver?  He always hits me where it hurts.  He knows just which key to turn or button to push. He makes me think "maybe God can't love me and I've done so much wrong, he would certainly not extend his salvation, love and grace to me!" He hits me in my esteem.  My self worth, my "how can anyone love me" heart.

So what is it that you may be struggling with?  What lie of this world, this society, this deceiver are you believing?  Recognize it for the lie that it is. 

I feel like Stuart Smalley, but I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it people like me!  More importantly, God loves me. 

I need to pick up my Shield of Faith and get the battle on.  I can assure you, and myself , that nothing will feel stagnate in the heat of the battle.  And perhaps, that is why I am stagnating in the first place...Life is so full of ups and downs, so much trauma, drama and just exhausting days that maybe I have been "sitting" myself on the sidelines of the battlefield.  Maybe I have been watching the chaos and not wanting to be involved. 

The truth is this : War effects us all, even if we aren't in the combat zone.  Having been a Soldier and being married to a Sailor, one would think I would be better at remembering that.  There is a price for being a believer in this time and space.  And just likes taxes, I can't avoid it. 

Ironically, while writing this, I went online to do some reading and as I was reading today's devotional on Gospel.com, It has been affirmed that this is indeed what God was saying to me...check this out (an excerpt from the devotional):

"One of the paradoxes of Christianity is that, while our faith is centered around sharing Christlike love and peace, our private spiritual lives are vividly likened to a battleground. Warfare and battle are apt metaphors for our constant struggle to resist temptation and remain committed to the principles of the Bible.
What does this “spiritual war” look like in our lives, and how does it manifest? More importantly, how do we make sure we win this war? In a short devotional essay on spiritual war, Al Menconi explains where this spiritual warfare takes place… and lays out a battle plan for victory. Menconi believes that our minds are the ground zero of this spiritual war, and that we’re particularly vulnerable to spiritual attacks that come at us through the entertainment we absorb": (here is the link to the whole thing: http://www.gospel.com/blog/index.php/2010/08/26/todays-devotional-winning-the-spiritual-war-in-our-minds/ )
I fight a deceiving, sneaky and brilliant enemy.  I need to remind myself of that.  Even God tells me through Paul in 2 Cor 10: 13 "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does."

I guess all I am really saying, is The God of Angel Armies is a friend of mine.  And I'd do well not to forget it.