Grief is the price of Love.

My heart breaks over and over again.  My brain tells me that I can't handle more news.  No more school shootings, no more plane crashes, no more tragedy.  It makes me want scream and rant and cry and hide and weep and wail.  I cannot understand the world in which we live. 

I cannot hold all the heartache that is in the world.  It is overwhelming.  It is terrifying.  It is sad. It is. 

We live in a world where we can "understand" when bad things happen to bad people, we kind of buy into karma at that point.  Bad choices equal bad consequences, so we can understand that.  But we fall every time to the WHY when bad things happen to good people, innocent people, people who are trying to make the world a better place.  We can't fathom the why. 

I've spent years on my own particular why.  Years. 

My child died. 

That's as stark of a reality as you can get.  It's my reality.  I cannot escape the truth of those words.  I cannot pretend it didn't happen, I cannot deny that it happened, I cannot wish it away.

In the same way we cannot pretend or deny or wish away the tragedy that is in our world.  We cannot strong arm our values onto others.  We cannot leave behind our values and use tragedy as the excuse.  We can only try and be more like Jesus.  More kind.  More compassionate.  More humble.  More loving.  More helpful.  More patient.  More Self controlled.  And let's be less judging.  Less having to be right.  Less harsh. Less angry.  Less self serving.

I'm just like you, I can't figure out this craziness that is in our world.  I can't figure out the why's.  I was once asked "If you knew why, would it change your grief?"  And the answer was no.  Even knowing why bad things happen does not change the sadness in our hearts, for grief is the price of love. 

So today I cling to the word of God  “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2  You guys- WE WILL FEEL THE WATER!  WE WILL FEEL THE HEAT!  There is no escaping that.  We can rest assured in our faith that God will be with us.  In these moments of tragedy, we can turn to him.  We can cry, and rant and ask God why.  He can take it.  And then when our emotion is spent, He will gather us close to him and give us His joy and His peace and His rest.  He will remind of His Victory and His promise to us  "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Rev 21:4 

I don't know when that glorious day will be, so for now I take my grief, my anger, my inability to understand WHY to him.  I may never receive any why's, but I know I will receive compassion that includes peace, that passes all understanding, love and joy.