Day 4!!

Day 4: Something you need to forgive someone for.

I don't know about you, but man, I am ready for a funny, teenage question right about now. 

These last few days have been very emotional with the 30 days of truth.  I'm not one to really linger in the past, but for this one, the very most obvious answer is my dad.  And I have forgiven him for many things, but what do I still need to forgive him for?  What are the things unseen that I will be uncovering for the rest of my life? 

I feel that I am very well adjusted.  A contributing member to our society.  Not having my dad around as I grew up, well, many people have faced that unfortunately.  I wish that more people were able to say "Yes, this was done TO me, but I choose to DO differently."  Yes, our hurt is real.  And it deserves to be acknowledged.  But then, what do we do with it???

To forgive means to let go of resentment, to give up the right to retaliation (requital). And that is the hard part.  The resentment, oh some days it seethes in your soul.  It took me some time before I realized that  I was drowning a pool of my own resentment and that my dad wasn't even thinking of it.  We see forgiving someone as weak, as being a doormat and that forgiveness allows to let the same thing happen over and over again.  Yet, in reality, forgiveness is the very thing that saves you.  And in a very cool God move, a friend of mine posted this quote on her page today:

"But forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart." - Trisha Davis, refineus.org

YES!  Oh yes!  This is true.  So so true. 

I love my dad.  He made so many choices I can not even begin to fathom nor agree with, but I love him because he is my dad.  I feel that in a way growing up without him as a constant presence in my life was for the better.  The little girl I was would never been able to grasp that.  That little girl desperately wanted to know why her daddy couldn't be bothered with her.  As a mom, I can't comprehend being able to leave my child in that way.  As a wife, I can't see how the Father of my children would ever or could ever walk away from the 4 beautiful children we created together.  I have come to accept that I will never know why and if for some reason I knew why, it would honestly change nothing. 

I believe that God speaks so much about forgiveness because He knows that it in our ability to forgive, we set ourselves free.  God can and will handle and heal our hurts in ways that no one else can.  I know that we often view forgiving someone as a weakness, and I have finally learned it takes more strength and courage to forgive than it does to harbor a hurt. 

"The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."  Mahatma Gandhi

I pray so often for a humble, vulnerable heart.  Because these do not come naturally to me.  But I have also learned through experience that forgiving someone heals a heart in so many ways. 

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past-but you sure do change the future."  Bernard Meltzer.