Truths with Trish Day 3: Forgiveness

I had a whole blog typed out friday to post! And then, there was a "script error."  I was very VERY bummed, as I had given this a lot of thought, time and attention.  Turns out, I think, that I was meant to write it.  But I truly believe that it was one blog that was meant to be just between me, my computer and God.  I believe that it was something I needed to write for myself, something I needed say, again not only to myself, but to God. 

The script error was God's way of saying to me that baring that to him was enough.  So now I let him begin the process of healing that hurt within me. 

I don't write all of that to produce any drama or what is she talking about??  It has a lot to do with everything that happened when the girls were born and Sophia passed away.  And that is where I will leave that for now.  For those of you that know me and know how challenging that whole time in my life was(and truthfully, will always be), please keep me in your prayers as I finally take that wound down from the shelf and deal with it with God. 

Having said all of that, don't worry, I have other things I can blog about it here for Truth Day 3!

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Seriously.  Again.  So many things!  I could write the great American novel on this subject alone.  I don't know that anyone would want to read it, but I could write it!!

I'm going to be sort of vague here or it will get to be a novella.  One thing I really need to forgive myself for would be my past.  Yep, that's a loaded word right there. 

I spent all sorts of time blaming myself for things that weren't my fault and that I couldn't control.  I spent a lot of time, energy and self looking for things that I was never going to find in the places I was looking.  I've done things that I am not proud of and I have done things that I AM proud of...Even if given the chance, I don't know that I could, even if I wanted to, change my past.  It completely made me who I am today.  And while I still have many things that I can work on, I like me.  I've came to a place in my life where I've come to realize that while I am not perfect, I am me.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I tell everyone who knows me "To know me, is to know my issues." 

So I know this was pretty vague, but I want to forgive myself for all those things I did that I am not proud of, the things that took pieces of me away with them that I can't get back and the times I knew I was doing something wrong and did it anyway. 

And once I do that, I need to let myself accept the forgiveness that God has for me.  He's just patiently waiting for me to grab it and embrace it!