Opportunity knocks

Hi guys!

Hey- you! Don't fall over in shock!  2 Blogs in one week!  What?!?!

I'm just here to tell you about an opportunity I have that I am VERY excited about.

I'm going to be helping write for my church's Women's group blog (and possibly helping with the social media and other events- YAY!) So, there are a few things I'd like to say.

1) Will you pray for me?  I want to be fully immersed in God's word and hear what he wants me to write.

2) Will you pray specifically for people (Believers and Non believers alike) to share stories with me that are encouraging and amazing and hard and that they would be willing for me to share their stories?

The biggest way that we can impact each other is to be real, to be willing to be vulnerable and say to other people "This is me.  This is my story."

I love people.  I love a good story.

So this is PERFECT for me.  I am so thankful God opened this door of ministry for me.

Ok, maybe not that story, but still!

Thanks for being interested in reading what I write.  I'm very excited to be able to continue to do it, even if only one person ever cares about what I write, it will be well worth it.  And now I need to go to bed.

The End

That ONE thing

So, we all have that ONE thing.  You know, the one thing we want to do, but can't or don't do.

Maybe its fear of failure that holds us back, maybe it's an addiction of sorts, maybe it's just contrary human nature.

And since this is my blog and I get to write all the things, maybe I should confess that I have more than ONE thing.

Yeah, more than one.  I try to figure out how I feel about the things, and sometimes it feels crystal clear and other times, it's as clear as mud.

I'll share mine (and I'm quite certain I have more, but these are the ones that popped right into my head)  First, it drives me NUTS that I don't have a good devotional life and that I lack that "be still-ness" that I know would help soothe my soul.  I also realize that this is a discipline that must be learned.  I want to want to spend quality time in my bible, I just don't.  When I pause and take "me" time, I veg out.  Read a book (just not THE book), I watch TV etc.  So my prayer life has changed.  I just pray that God gives me the desire to be in His word.  It's want I want to do, yet I don't.

Another ONE thing, food.  I have a serious food addiction.  I don't eat constantly, nor do I eat a ton, but I don't eat as healthy as I'd like. Sometimes I just do whatever I want.  And this, my friends, puts me on a crazy cycle of guilt, shame, disappointment, disgust and lots of self loathing,  DO NOT get me wrong here, I honestly don't go around hating my body every day.  But they are days when I catch a sideways glimpse in the mirror and think "ew."  And at the same time, I know I am the only one who can change it and I want to...so why don't I?  I'm still down 20 pounds from my 30 pound weight loss this spring, so that is encouraging.  So I am once again praying that God can help with some fruits of the spirit...self control particularly.

Another ONE thing, being a better mom, wife and homemaker.  I keep a fairly tidy house (as much as I can with 4 small kiddos and ALL of their clutter.)  But I could be better.  I often ignore chores because I'd rather do something else.  I get mad and yell at my kids, more often than I care to admit.  I feel frustrated and annoyed.  But I LONG to put this time in my life and my family's life in it's proper place.  And that place is a place of honor.  Every toilet I clean, every meal I make (that my kids won't eat, AGH!) Every minute I feel like my husband doesn't "care" enough to get me, that I can step back and know- that all of those minutes make the whole.  And I have to choose, is the whole going to be happy and content?  Or is it going to be angry and self centered?  I choose wrong a lot.  And I am thankful everyday that grace is a part of my life.   There isn't anything special about me that makes me lovable even when I act like a butt.  That is all grace that my God, my family, my friends and even strangers choose to extend my way.

What are your ONE things?  What one thing can you do today to take a stand against your issue?  Call a friend?  Ask for prayer?  Turn down one treat, just one, just today.  Pause and count to 5 before yelling at your child?  I could do all of these and I know they would help, yet some days, I just don't.  Even though I want to want to!

I've been wracking my brain for a clever acrostic for ONE.  It took a while, but this is my new ONE saying and I am hoping that it helps me and you.  So please feel free to whisper this to yourself in a moment when your ONE thing is up in your face and you feel defeated.

O- Only
(the)
N-Next
E- Experience

If you can contain, control, deny, fill in your own blank, pray, or take on ONLY the NEXT EXPERIENCE with your issue, it seems less daunting.  Less terrifying.  Just less.

And today, make this your goal!

Have a ONEderful day friends!  We can do it! 

Technical difficulty

Hi guys!  I have been experiencing some technical difficulties with my laptop, eventually culminating into a trip to Geek Available.   I have it back now and here I sit.

Silence.

Crickets chirping.

Writers block.

I kid you not, I was MOVED to be writing while my computer was down and now that I can write...my mind is blank.

I guess I am a little like my laptop.  Works more slowly as it gets older, but still has to hold it together.  And just like my computer, I've crashed.  I've had viruses, I've had to be rebooted.  And there were a few times I didn't think I'd make it.  So thanks for bearing with me through my technical difficulties.

Hoping this week is better for many of us and better for my blog!  Have a happy week friends!

When you feel like you're not enough.

Why am I not enough?

This question has been rolling through my mind in various forms this week.   Why did I do that?  Why didn't I do that?  What's wrong with me?  I can't believe this!  You can add in your own specific form of self doubt, we all have a million ways in which we belittle ourselves, or where we believe the words of  others that have belittled us.

I've had a crappy few days.  Just bad.  Hurt feelings, exhaustion, self doubt, self loathing, and uncertainty.  I've done a lot of things to try and shake it, but they are things that don't work.  Shopping, eating, getting angry at others, myself, life in general.  Didn't do anything to help me, though.  So after I broke down in tears over a stinking PPD test (TB test) at the military clinic, I was just at the bottom of myself.  I can't fix it.  Things are not going right for me.  Nothing is going how I want it to go, or  anywhere close to normal. 

It took me a week, but, um, I get it now.  Sometimes I am so good at "pulling up my boot straps" and dealing with life, I forget that God uses frustrations, anger, hurt feelings, and pain to get my attention.  He's always asking if I will just go through it (which is, quite frankly, my usual MO) or will I grow through it?  Sometimes, it takes me a while to realize He wants me to grow.  I get so wrapped up in daily living, I forget the purpose of living.  It isn't about being the best, having a clean house, having the most brilliant children or the most picture perfect marriage.  It's about love.  Loving others.  If love isn't our motivating force, it's time for a realignment.

I haven't been feeling or acting very loving lately.  And as I calmed down from my crying jag over the aforementioned PPD test, I rolled over the lovely what is wrong with me question for about the billionth time in a week's span.  I was sitting at my kitchen table with my bible, getting ready to do my life group reading for the week.  Turns out, I already did it...so, I was like, crud, what do I read now?  And at the end of the chapter there was a weekly reading suggestion, so I was like "woo!  Thank You!" And I opened my bible and read the following:

 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

Now this, in and of itself would remind me that I am not of this world.  That is enough to make me stop and once again, berate myself for my attitude.  Not really want God intended there, but my human nature has a way of going there.  Now, in my bible, I often take notes.  Today, I read in my own writing:

Conform:

People change you because they care about themselves.

Transformation:

We change because God values us.

 

WOW!  I was blown away.  I've read this very words before, I wrote them down in my bible and today- they blasted through.

I've been so focused on trying to be in control and doing the right thing(according to our world view), that it's taken a toll on me.  I'm trying to conform to someone else's identity for me, and of course, I've been unhappy.  Now, I'm not exactly a people pleaser and I certainly wasn't consciously aware of "conforming"  but that's exactly what I was doing.  God finally got through my "pull up my big girl panties and deal" attitude to tell me, "Trisha, I value you.  I love you.  I care about you."  He doesn't care if my house is spotless, if my children to behave 100% of the time, if I have a million dollars or 1 cent.  He cares about me.  My feelings, my hopes, my dreams.  He wants me to rest in his presence.  He'd love for me to be still, and that one I am still working on, it will probably be a lifelong challenge for me.  I know it's an amazing time to recharge, I am just terrible at being still, and quiet.

Just know this, if you feel like you need a change, or can think of something specific in your life you want to change, God asks us to be transformed.  Even if it's as simple as changing your current attitude!  We change because He values us.  He values us so much.  And when we rest in him and renew our minds, change will happen. 

Transformation is a continually occurring process, so let's take this journey together.  Being bold, remembering our purpose and armed with the knowledge that Jesus values us, we are more precious that diamonds, more valuable than gold.  He values our neighbors, our kids, our friends, our communities.  He values YOU!

When I grow up...

I just submitted an inquiry to SDSU ( San Diego State University- go Aztecs!) about their Bachelors of Arts in Social Work.  I feel kind of sick.

It's just, I'm still not sure what I want to do when I grow up.  But I do know that I want to help people, so, I start here and go with a goal in mind of doing the Masters program so I can be a counselor. 

Anyway, this is not a huge post.  This is just a "pat myself on the back" moment because I came unfrozen long enough to submit the inquiry. 

I'm petrified of going back to school.  Terrified.  I haven't studied (well, I have gone back to K-3rd) in YEARS, like over a decade. 

I do, however, want my kids to go to college, so I feel I should set a good example, plus, it's always been a personal goal. 

It's just time for me to start working on some of my old dreams and goals.  That is all. 

Levi the loon and his mother too.

Heaven have mercy.

Seriously. 

Have mercy on me.

Or maybe, just Levi.

This kid! 

He's terribly adorable.  Terribly three.  Terribly tantruming.  He's tearing me down one day at a time right now.  I'm not sure I am going to survive this phase.  I know, I know, I've had 3, three year olds beside him and 2 of them at one time!  I survived them.  BUT. THIS. LAST. ONE.

He's a hitter.  A kicker.  A puncher. (thank you Ninja turtles...the downside of an older brother perhaps?)  He tantrums until he pukes.  He's a screamer. 

I'm not waving y'all.  I'm drowning.  Please just pray for us.  Give me a pat on the back if you see me.  Be prepared for tears.  Just keep telling me that we'll both survive and he'll turn out to BE as nice as he looks. 

Because THIS KID seems to be winning lately! 

 

 

He's crying in that picture by the way, not laughing.  And I SO love how my grandparents are ignoring him.  LOL. 

 

 

You know, THIS KID, is a blessing from God.  And I love him with all of my heart and soul and I think that's why this phase is so hard on me.  

 

 





Ahhh, I love him, especially right now, because he's sleeping.  Aren't sleeping babies the best?

That other little blessing is Addison Grace and I surely hope for my sisters sake, she's sleeping right now too.  And on that note, goodnight Inshockfriends!

Bippity boppity bloggity

HI!  ME AGAIN!  This is me, in case you forgot:

Don't I look awesome?  I figured this would be a fun shot for you to giggle over. 

I'm sitting down to write for the first time in a long time.  I really love writing.  I just don't set aside the time for it like I should.  One of my goals for the next 12 months is to grow my blog.  EEEK.  Just saying that makes my stomach feel queasy and my self esteem to quake.  Who really wants to hear (or read) the inner workings my mind churns out?  I'll be reading up on how to "advertise" my blog.  If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or experience, PLEASE, I am begging you for help. 

 

When I started blogging, I really looked at it as a form of online journaling.  My husband thought my writing was great and asked me to share with our friends and family.  Since that time, I have had many people tell me I need to continue writing, be published and build a bigger blog base.  I'm not really sure if it will take off, but I want to try and see.  So.  Share my blog.  Repost my writing.  Pray for the words to come from my mind to the page, to people's hearts.  To be encouraging.  To be uplifting.  To be.  To let others know they aren't alone.  To let others laugh at my crazy. 

 

I've struggled a long time and done many things, and haven't done other things because what my heart had been and is longing for is to be known.  To be known and loved anyway.  To be known and acknowledged.  To be known and important. 

We all are.  ALL OF US.  I want to spread the knowing around.  I want to be the one that says : Hey- you!  Yes, you, I see you over there.  I see you feeling alone, unimportant, overwhelmed, unworthy, unlovable, tired, angry, and needing a place to rest, I see you.  You are important.  You are needed.  You are loved.  You are known.  You are worth holding space for, it's yours, it's unique and it makes a difference in this world. 

We're not all meant to be famous (or infamous,) but we are made with purpose.   And at the very start and end of all of our purpose is to love each other even when we know each other.  That doesn't mean we'll agree with everyone, or even like everyone, but we can be kind and loving.  It's our choice.  Oh how I make the wrong choice a million times a day.  But the beauty is, as long as we're alive, we get another chance.  I don't want to just get through another day, or month or year, I want to live it.  I want love it. 

I want to show it out loud, in a lavish and life breathing way.  And it terrifies me to try and do it publicly because it's a sure bet I will fail.  A lot.  Every day. 

So I'll take some deep breaths, say a lot of prayers, and hope you all will hang on for a wild and wonderful ride.