Better late than never, right?

Right?  Right?  Anyone?

I was laughing when I wrote the title to the blog.  Because I intended it as "been a while since I wrote one", but it also applies to Truths with Trish day 5.  Obviously I am not doing consecutive days, as it's been two weeks since my last Truth blog.  Life sure shows and prohibits my blogging sometimes!!

Today's Truth with Trish statement is:
Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.

I could make a huge list, but I think I will start with one that has been on my mind a lot lately. 
College!  Woo!  Yay!  Ugh! What?  That about sums it up.  Ha.  I have 60 college credits, so technically, I have DONE it, but I sure would like to FINISH it. 

I have some issues to work out with the VA and then, it's time.  I'd like to have my college degree before Ava has hers! 

That's it!  That's all I have to say about that! 


Short, but sweet.

Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army. ~Edward Everett

Boston, Believe!

As I sat down tonight to attend to my blog, I can't help but weep for the senseless tragedy that occurred in Boston today.  Patriot's Day.  Please join me in my prayer for Boston.

Heavenly Father,

Today, we are a nation who feels wounded.  We feel violated.  We feel angry.  We feel disbelief.  How can this be happening?  Lord, I understand we may never understand why this happened.  And even if we could, it changes our feelings none.  It changes this day not one bit.  Families destroyed by a cowardly act.  I pray that you "Arise, Lord, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice." (psalm7:6) I long for the return of our Nation to be a Nation that believes in your mighty power.  I pray for the families so intimately touched and changed by this.  Please grant your Peace that passes ALL understanding to our fellow countrymen.  Grant them self control, patience, love, joy, kindness and goodness.  Most of all Lord, I pray you grant them Belief!  Believe Boston!  Your God is mighty and He is for you. 

You God are Good, when there is nothing good in this world! In your Holy Name, I ask for these things Father. 

Amen.

Day 4!!

Day 4: Something you need to forgive someone for.

I don't know about you, but man, I am ready for a funny, teenage question right about now. 

These last few days have been very emotional with the 30 days of truth.  I'm not one to really linger in the past, but for this one, the very most obvious answer is my dad.  And I have forgiven him for many things, but what do I still need to forgive him for?  What are the things unseen that I will be uncovering for the rest of my life? 

I feel that I am very well adjusted.  A contributing member to our society.  Not having my dad around as I grew up, well, many people have faced that unfortunately.  I wish that more people were able to say "Yes, this was done TO me, but I choose to DO differently."  Yes, our hurt is real.  And it deserves to be acknowledged.  But then, what do we do with it???

To forgive means to let go of resentment, to give up the right to retaliation (requital). And that is the hard part.  The resentment, oh some days it seethes in your soul.  It took me some time before I realized that  I was drowning a pool of my own resentment and that my dad wasn't even thinking of it.  We see forgiving someone as weak, as being a doormat and that forgiveness allows to let the same thing happen over and over again.  Yet, in reality, forgiveness is the very thing that saves you.  And in a very cool God move, a friend of mine posted this quote on her page today:

"But forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart." - Trisha Davis, refineus.org

YES!  Oh yes!  This is true.  So so true. 

I love my dad.  He made so many choices I can not even begin to fathom nor agree with, but I love him because he is my dad.  I feel that in a way growing up without him as a constant presence in my life was for the better.  The little girl I was would never been able to grasp that.  That little girl desperately wanted to know why her daddy couldn't be bothered with her.  As a mom, I can't comprehend being able to leave my child in that way.  As a wife, I can't see how the Father of my children would ever or could ever walk away from the 4 beautiful children we created together.  I have come to accept that I will never know why and if for some reason I knew why, it would honestly change nothing. 

I believe that God speaks so much about forgiveness because He knows that it in our ability to forgive, we set ourselves free.  God can and will handle and heal our hurts in ways that no one else can.  I know that we often view forgiving someone as a weakness, and I have finally learned it takes more strength and courage to forgive than it does to harbor a hurt. 

"The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."  Mahatma Gandhi

I pray so often for a humble, vulnerable heart.  Because these do not come naturally to me.  But I have also learned through experience that forgiving someone heals a heart in so many ways. 

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past-but you sure do change the future."  Bernard Meltzer.

Truths with Trish Day 3: Forgiveness

I had a whole blog typed out friday to post! And then, there was a "script error."  I was very VERY bummed, as I had given this a lot of thought, time and attention.  Turns out, I think, that I was meant to write it.  But I truly believe that it was one blog that was meant to be just between me, my computer and God.  I believe that it was something I needed to write for myself, something I needed say, again not only to myself, but to God. 

The script error was God's way of saying to me that baring that to him was enough.  So now I let him begin the process of healing that hurt within me. 

I don't write all of that to produce any drama or what is she talking about??  It has a lot to do with everything that happened when the girls were born and Sophia passed away.  And that is where I will leave that for now.  For those of you that know me and know how challenging that whole time in my life was(and truthfully, will always be), please keep me in your prayers as I finally take that wound down from the shelf and deal with it with God. 

Having said all of that, don't worry, I have other things I can blog about it here for Truth Day 3!

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Seriously.  Again.  So many things!  I could write the great American novel on this subject alone.  I don't know that anyone would want to read it, but I could write it!!

I'm going to be sort of vague here or it will get to be a novella.  One thing I really need to forgive myself for would be my past.  Yep, that's a loaded word right there. 

I spent all sorts of time blaming myself for things that weren't my fault and that I couldn't control.  I spent a lot of time, energy and self looking for things that I was never going to find in the places I was looking.  I've done things that I am not proud of and I have done things that I AM proud of...Even if given the chance, I don't know that I could, even if I wanted to, change my past.  It completely made me who I am today.  And while I still have many things that I can work on, I like me.  I've came to a place in my life where I've come to realize that while I am not perfect, I am me.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I tell everyone who knows me "To know me, is to know my issues." 

So I know this was pretty vague, but I want to forgive myself for all those things I did that I am not proud of, the things that took pieces of me away with them that I can't get back and the times I knew I was doing something wrong and did it anyway. 

And once I do that, I need to let myself accept the forgiveness that God has for me.  He's just patiently waiting for me to grab it and embrace it!  

Truths about Trish Day 2!!

Day 2: Something you love about yourself. 

Hmmm.  One would think this would be easy.  And if it's not (it isn't for me!)  It really should be!!  We all have something that makes us unique and wonderful. 

Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, comedies and tragedies.  I've lived through a lot of them.  I'm what you might call a stubborn, independent "walk-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drummer" gal.

It served me well in school.  No amount of peer pressure would have persuaded me to do something I genuinely did not want to do. I believe this kept me out of a lot of trouble. 

Added to my stubborn streak is a happy outlook.  Optimism is part of my language.  Some days, it gets tampered down, but all in all, I'm a happy person.  I believe happiness is a choice in many ways.  Contentment, man, that's where it's at.  Because you can be content and not be "happy."

So I guess what I am saying is that I like my personality.  It suits me.  I'm friendly, outgoing, compassionate, but not a pushover. 

I've also learned I need to be a bigger cheerleader for myself.  Here I am handed a day to toot my own horn and I'm struggling to come up with more than my personality.  LOL. 

Ooooh, I'm a good cook.  True story.  People like to eat the food I make.  Well, everyone but my kids.  And they don't count.  They live off chicken nuggets and pizza, but I digress...

I really like my smile.  4 years of braces made them nice and straight.  Thanks Mom!!

I'm at a loss of how to cleverly end this blog, so I decided we'll make this "Make Trisha feel good night."  (Remember our Make a Person feel good nights Toni?  HAHAHAHA)

So, if you've got the time or the inclination, tell me, what do YOU think is my best quality??? 

Thanks in advance for the kind words and ego boost! 

The Thirty Days of Trisha Truth: Day 1

OOOOOOH!  The day we have been waiting for...day one of Truths about Trish. 

Some of the daily truths are a little teenager-ish and may be tweaked, but then again, maybe not. I think just by answering the questions, I will learn, relearn or otherwise realize things about myself, so I am kind of excited by the whole thing. 

Day 1 Truth:  Something that I hate about myself.

Seriously, where do I begin?  And by saying that I am in no way saying I hate myself.  In truth, I am quite content that I am made the way God made me.  So let's weave through some of the things I don't like about myself. 

I'm going to start superficially and say I don't like my weight.  Not a fan of it.  But then, I am working on it.  Go me!  Otherwise, I am pretty happy with my looks.  I'm not a smoking hot babe, but I'm no slouch either.  Make up, well, it pretties me up to my hearts content.  Plus, it's fun to play with...

If I had to say there is something I hate about myself, it would be the constant inner turmoil.  Do this or that?  Motivate or procrastinate?  I think we all do this, but some people have a much better grip on their inner struggles and have peace with it.  I tend to let myself believe the lie that I am the only one who struggles each day, even if it's only in little ways.  I beat myself up because I should be, do, act better.  Or sometimes, do less. 

I remind myself of Paul.  Well, it's the only time I'll admit that I act like Paul anyway(even though he is an amazing man of God, he often gets on my nerves...mainly beacause he speaks truth into areas of my life I'd like left alone...more on that another time!)  When he says in Romans 7: 15 " For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe." (amplified version)

Oh how often do I do this???  Why do I keep sitting on the couch staring at the mindless TV instead of getting up and doing my devotions?  Or taking a walk?  Why do I often choose to do to the things that bring me guilt and shame instead of doing the things that bring me peace, joy, health?

A wise man I know (hint: it's Pastor Jim) asked me the other day if I ever felt bad if I skipped a meal.  My first response was no.  I don't feel bad.  But I would feel bad if I made someone else miss a meal.  The point being, devotions are like a meal.  We need them and they sustain us, but should we feel guilty and shamed if we miss one??  The answer is, of course, no.  God longs for us to be in his word and he knows it fulfills us, but he is never condemning, the voice of guilt and shame?  It's not God. 

So in closing, is there anything I truly hate about myself?  I've decided the answer is no.  Because I think the only way I could hate something about myself was if it was unchangeable.  And I believe that through God all things are possible.  Including changing the things about myself that I would rather not admit. 
Stay tuned for Day 2 this week!!

Just a little Teaser!

Ok, so I have been trying to think of a way to kick start my blogging again. 

I found something I am going to try.  It's called "30 Days of Truth".  I think some of them are kind of interesting, but will do them anyway.  I don't know if I will actually get them every day consecutively, but I am going to do all 30 days. 

So if you follow my blog, stay tuned.  I think that we will all learn a few things about the crazy gal you call Trish!