A Christmas Perspective

The last two weeks have been hectic and fun and crazy and tragic. 

Jason and I were able to NYC and enjoy ourselves kid free for 2 days!  I am so proud of my husband for winning the George Van Cleave Military Leadership award from the USO.  He was THE Navy Honoree (for those of you that didn't know!)  It was fun and we did all the touristy things we could fit in...The Rockefeller center, the Rockefeller tree, Times Square, and the Museum of Natural History. 

On friday morning we got up and went to eat breakfast where I got a text with someone asking if my kids were ok since there had been a shooting in a Connecticut school.  I quickly found out it was not my kids school.  Relief.  Yet on our way home from New York,as we got snippets of news information, I simply began to cry.  It wasn't happening to me, but I felt  like I was living in a nightmare.  And the news got worse and worse until we were left with the end carnage.  I have cried on and off for over a week. 

Twenty 6 & 7 year olds off to live with Jesus long before we were ready to let them go.  And I know that this would have affected me, no matter what their age.  But I know what 6 looks like.  I live it every day.  I know the joys, the frustrations, the wonder, the irritations, the exhaustion that comes with having a 6 year old.  I read a blog called "I know what 6 looks like" and it was so sad and yet it so perfectly captured what I had been feeling.  What I still feel. 

And those teachers who laid their lives down to protect those children.  What wonderful Shepherd's they were, laying down their lives for their sheep.  There is no way to understand what happened or why it happened.  All I know is that even out of all of this tragedy, God will make something good out of it.  I may not see it in my life time, but there is something good that will rise from the ashes of a school once known as Sandy Hook. 

It seems sad that this happened AT ALL, but so much sadder because it happened at a time that highlights being with your family.  Christmas is forever changed for so many people.  And yet, at the same time, Christmas is what happened to bring the whole world hope.  Thousands of years ago, in a stable, a baby was born.  He was born into a broken world when he had come from paradise.  He knew from the beginning that he would die a painful, tragic death for simply being who he was.  And yet his death is our salvation, our hope. 

So this year at Christmas, my biggest wish for you is that you find hope in Jesus and cling to it from this Christmas to the next and the next...

I'd like to share a wonderful prayer written by Max Lucado:

Dear Jesus,
It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children

Joy to the world!  Our Saviour is born!  May there be hope in your Christmas and love in your hearts this season. 

This, That and the other...

Man, time just flies by during the Christmas season (which for the record, I consider it starting on NOV 1st HAHA)
I started Christmas shopping early because, well, our paycheck demands it.  We're done shopping!  Hooray!  Almost done wrapping..BIGGER hooray!  So much happening this month.

Not that this is NEW news to anyone, I just can't help but talk about it again.  I am so proud of my husband.  We have the USO 51st Armed Forces Gala to attend in just few short days (ok,9, but who's counting?) I can't wait to see my husband accept his George Van Cleave award.  He so deserves it!!

And if I sneak away from the enormity of that, can I just say how EXCITED I am to be out in NYC with my husband?  And how utterly excited I am to get all glammed up?  That just doesn't happen often enough!! 

I can't wait to get all girly.  I love the prepping for a fancy night.  Long, hot showers, hairdo drama, make up! I love make up!!  Nails, toenails.  Seriously.  I just love it.  Don't worry, I WILL post pictures of the dashing couple.  LOL.

To change subjects completely, I like to call December "Do For" December here in our house.  We have items everyday that we do for someone else.  Could be buying someones dinner, could be washing dishes.  Doesn't matter, as long as we do something kind for someone else.  I love this time of year, yes, it can get hectic, BUT I love teaching my kids how good it feels to do something for someone else.  And to do it in a spirit of love and expect nothing in return.  I try and teach this year round, but there is just something magical about this time of year.  The anticipation of the event that changed the course of history.  I know that there is lots of evidence that would prove Jesus was born in the summer, but I'll be blunt, it doesn't matter to me WHEN he was born, but THAT he was born.  And yet, I am thankful that the church picked a date to celebrate that day!

There is a song that I love, and I'd like to post the words here.  So beautiful.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is the great I am.

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas!! 

Gobble Gobble Gobble

Thanksgiving.  A mere 4 days from now.  THANKSGIVING.  How did it get here again so quickly?

The family and I are headed up to Vermont Wednesday morning.  It will be great fun to see everyone.  But of course, with four little kids, any sort of trip requires planning of some magnitude.

I have done some grocery shopping, made lists, that have lists, gotten the roof top carrier down (thanks Jase!) and I have a staging area in the garage. 

I am so ready for some turkey, pecan pie, candied yams(!!!!) and some other yummy goodies.  I will also being hiking the mountain quite a bit so I can enjoy these treats!! 

Aside from the mind numbing, yummy food displays of Thanksgiving, it is a time for me to take stock of my life. 

I have so many things to be grateful for in my life.  Not only are my necessities taken care of, I have been blessed by so much more.  I am reminded in this time of year, of how much I am  truly blessed!   In the wake of Superstorm Sandy, I am particularly grateful for my necessities.  Just having a roof over my head and electricity is phenomenal!  I LOVE electricity!  Love it!!! 

I could go on and on about all the blessings God has heaped upon my family, but it would be a never ending list!  So I decided to make a Top Ten list of things I am thankful for this year!

10.  Watching Old Episodes on Netflix of Saturday Night Live (Spartan Spirit!!)

9.    That Elijah has learned and FORGOTTEN the phrase "Here, pull my finger!"

8.    That Tessa goes immediately back to sleep after throwing up in the middle of the night!  After being cleaned up, of course!!

7.    That I have managed (mostly) to not scream like a woman possessed when Ava employs the "body bump" during moments of tantruming...

6.     Levi sleeping through the night....AGAIN!!!  Wooo!  Woooo!!

5.     Skinny Cow!  All things skinny cow!!

4.     DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIET Coke..."girl you know it's true....oooh oooh oooh, I love you." 

3.     Facebook:  Trauma, Drama and more!  But seriously, I love keeping in touch with my friends and family on it!!

2.     A cell phone that answers phone calls from my sister and sends back an automated text that says "I'm driving right now!"  Yes- that really happened!

1.     The fact that my children aren't scarred for life, especially on days when I try to put Levi's pacifier in Tessa's mouth, put the milk in the pantry and then laugh like an idiot when I realize how scattered I've become!!

I pray that you have as  many fun an crazy things to be thankful for this year!  And always keep the faith...because God has big plans for you friends!!  Happy Thanksgiving!!

Healthy happens...with hard work.

So, I am doing a Biggest Loser Competition with my sister and some friends.  Week 2 weigh in is tomorrow and I am seriously doubting that there will be any movement on my scale.  It's been a weird week.  I am watching my portion sizes mainly.  I have come in under my calorie goals a few times.  But I just tell myself that a slow and steady weight loss means that I will be able to maintain it, right?

I have lost 9 lbs since september.  And I am determined to keep on going.  I have really only been actively trying to lose since NOV 1st, so some of that weight loss was a nice surprise!

I have been walking.  I try to go everyday, but that just isn't always possible. 

I don't have anything life changing to say today.  Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  Cause this is such a massive thing, I can not do it alone. 

Got any good recipes?  Tips?  Hints?  Exercises?  Or just encouragement?

I'll take all I can get!!

Thanks friends.

Skinny Bits: {giveaway} Yonanas Ice Cream Treat Maker

Skinny Bits: {giveaway} Yonanas Ice Cream Treat Maker: Yonanas instantly turns over-ripe bananas and frozen fruit into a delicious and healthy soft-serve treat. Perfect for everyone from chil...

I would make the "Elvis"  Peanut butter and banana!  My kids love both and it's a great way to have a special treat with good for you ingridients!

email: inshockmom@gmail.com

What am I teaching my children?

So this morning before 8 a.m. it was like World War III.  Mercy me. 

After finishing getting dressed, I came downstairs and it was an attack.  "Mommy, I did not!"  "Yes, she did!"  *CRY*  *high pitch whining*  And so on and so forth. 

But in what I overheard, I know Ava was trying to tell Elijah how to behave and when he wouldn't listen to his sister, I heard the frustration and anger in her voice. 

When she calmed down, I asked her if I was teaching her how to be angry.  She immediately said NO!  But then she said I don't know.  Part of that was that she thought she might not be in trouble if she thought I was to blame.  Smart cookie.  Part of her was thinking about it.

I told her that I know I am  not always calm and rational when I am frustrated. And that I was really sorry if I was teaching her the wrong way to respond when frustrated.  But it really made me think; how much of my personality and actions, the good, the bad and the ugly, my children learn from me.  I want to teach them how to properly express their feelings.  And this morning, man, they weren't even close! 

I pray that I become better at self control so that I can teach it to my children without saying word.  I want them to be full of Grace and willing to extend the benefit of the doubt to others.  I'd love for them to think the best of others despite society telling us we need to be wary of others and of them "using" us.  I want them to know that they have a lot to offer this world.  And that God loves them and extends them Grace.  And that he thinks they are able to change the world...one life, one smile, one helping hand at a time. 

So yes, today, this morning I was thinking "Oh great!  What am I teaching my kids?"  But after thinking on it most of the day, I've come to realize that the better question is what are my kids teaching ME???

I'll tell you:

Grace
Unconditional Love
Mercy
Humor
Frustration
Patience
Innocence
Laughter
Silliness
Sweetness
Sorrow
Fear
Discipline
Self Control
Pride
Integrity
Selfless Service
Honor
Faith
Confidence
Joy
Hope
Caring
Sharing

I could go on and on I am sure.  But what I know tonight what I have really learned is that I am blessed beyond measure!

Rock the Vote

Ok, ok, ok.  I know everyone is sick of politics.  But I just feel this so clearly on my heart. So, it's in my head, in my heart and NOW in my blog.


First, I'm gonna be normal and whine for a second.  I am ASHAMED at the behavior of both presidential candidates and their behaviors during the debates.  I am even more frustrated that we can't get an unbiased moderator for any of them.  And I am saddened that people aren't keeping open minds during them.  If we take the time to be honest (regardless of who we choose as our candidate) that both Romney and Obama are talking around subjects, not answering the questions, making factual errors and both acting like rude toddlers. 

Having said that, I feel that we need to rally our friends, our families, our communities to vote.  We do make a difference.  Our votes count.  As a bible believing Christian, I believe voting is an obedient act to God.  He requires us to be responsible citizens.  Whether we choose to obey that or not is our choice.  As always God is a gentlemen and he won't force our hands there.

I desperately wish that I could just hand God my ballot, so I know that I am voting for what He wants.  I posted the following on Facebook and honestly, I think it bears repeating:

"There is only one way I can remain calm during this election season. And this is it:

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Romans 13:1

And since I am a bible believing Christian, I have to believe that God has a plan no matter who gets elected. Whether I like them or not."

I love all my friends and families and I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  I've been saddened by the nastiness this election has uncovered. I never vote solely based on political party.  I vote for the person who holds the values closest to my own.  I feel sad that each election I feel the old adage "voting for the lesser of 2 evils" gets more and more true for me.  And I have been sad to see so many people make wounds in their relationships over politics. 

I wish and hope and pray that as Americans we can find our way back to the attitudes that founded this great nation.   

I pray that we become a nation on our knees.  Praying that God would grace this nation even though as a whole, we have pushed him out.  And even though this is a bit off the beaten path about voting, I really really love the lyrics to this song and I feel it is so true. 

They tried their best to drag him out
Of a courthouse down in montgomery
Now they want to kick him out of school
And take him off our money
They can take those words off of paper and stone
But he aint gone, no

He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who dont believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind

She stayed mad at him for a lot of years
For taking her husband
Started losing her faith and thinking that
Her life meant nothin
But when she looks at those kids
She raised all by herself
She knows she had some help
Yeah she knows

He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind

No matter what you do
No matter where you go he's
Always right there
With you

Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind

I'm so thankful.  I've certainly done my best to push God away multiple times.  I am glad he isn't the leaving kind.  And I feel that God wanted me to write about voting, so please- VOTE!!!!

Hodge podge

Has it really been 3 weeks since I last blogged?  I get a big fat fail for being so lame. 

What can I say?  Life gets busy sometimes with 4 kids.  The twins are now in Preschool here in CT and so far, they love it.  It's half day,  and I love that!! 

We finally found a church here to call home.  So that has been amazing.  We've been blessed to make friends through the church as well.  It's called Lifehouse and it's in a serious growth spurt! 

Let's see....any other mundane things I should chat about?  We switched the kids rooms around because it was getting insane the waking up and staying up too late etc.  Elijah (my early riser) is now in his own room, the smallest one (still big though) over by Jason and I's room.  Levi moved into Ava's old room and he also has the futon in his room.  Nursery/guest room.  The girls are in the biggest room and so far, so good.  Elijah is still getting up early, but not 5ish anymore.  Today he slept until 7.  WOOO!  And Levi slept until 8!  Seriously.  8 am.  I could have cried for joy!!

In November I am starting up a Biggest Loser competition.  Starts NOV 1st ends January 17th.  Let me know if anyone out there in blogger land is interested!! 

It's time for me to get healthy. 

On a totally unrelated note, I wonder when Jason will learn that he can't leave things on his computer table?  Levi is a stealthy little thief.  And he DESTROYS.  LOL.

Now LEvi is trying t*o -**- 9h9e

Let's try that again.  Levi is trying to help me type.  So I gotta go! 

Dinner time disasters!

Ok, when does it get better?  Cause I'll be honest, it's hit or miss around here.

I like dinner time...or I used to before kids.  Some days dinner is a nice little part of my day, where I get to chat up my kids as they eat the dinner I have prepared for them without complaint. 

Most days though, well, it's crazy, complaining chaos. 

Now, I know kids in this age range tend to be picky.  And I get that.  I am also a picky eater, so I do understand.  So having said that, I get frustrated when I KNOW that the love a meal and all of a sudden they don't like it, it "feels yucky" in their mouth, they hate it and so on and so forth. 

I guess my expectation of a dinner where we all sit down and eat and talk and laugh is, at least for now, unattainable. 

"You know I don't like carrots, mom, or did you forget?"  Tessa 9/23/12

"What is this smooshy thing mom?  Ewww."  Elijah 9/23/12 (It was a potato)

"Mom, what is this?  It looks weird?"  Ava 9/23/12 (It was pie crust)

In Ava's defense, she did eat hers, she just had to ask what everything was first. 

I guess I'm just delusional to expect a semi calm dinner.  And that got me to thinking...(what?!?)

I wonder what Jesus was like as a little boy.  I so desperately wish to know if he ever told his mom he didn't like something when she served him dinner.  I also wonder if as a baby he was a crier or colicky or otherwise painful in the ways new babies can be...sleep?  Anyone?  Did he whine when he was a 3 year old???

No, I don't want perfect children.  Because to be honest, some of their funniest moments happen in not-so-perfect times.  I love seeing how their brains work and how they figure things out.  I love watching their ears smoke and I can hear their gears winding when they are trying to figure out how to get around me on something.  Most of all, I love how they love me, their very imperfect mother, always.  How, despite the fact that they did not want to eat the homemade chicken pot pie I made them, they all left the table, cleared their dishes and told me thank you for dinner.  I love that even when they choose to go to bed hungry (our policy is eat dinner at dinner time or eat nothing until breakfast) because I didn't make exactly what they wanted for dinner, they hug me and kiss me and love me. 

I love that after being disciplined, the one person that they want to soothe them is me!  The same person that just handed out that same discipline. 

I often second guess my parenting, my judgement and even my words that I use towards my children.  Everyday I could certainly have done better, lots better.  But everyday those sweet (and yes, exhausting) little people tell me they love and that I am the "best mommy ever!"

Kind of makes my dream dinners not seem so important...

Doesn't mean I won't stop striving for them though!  We have someone different say a prayer every night at dinner and this is what they say almost verbatim every single night:

"Dear Jesus, thank you for my family and for our food. Amen"

So let me just say:

"Dear Jesus,
Thank you for my family!  My "I-don't-want-to-eat-carrots-smooshy-potatoes-weird-looking-meal" children.  Thank you for their tender hearts, loving spirits, humorous actions and brilliant minds.  Thank you for a husband that is an amazing father to them and a selfless husband to me.  I am spoiled and I thank you for it!  I thank you for my life.  It's not always easy or fun, but it is always rewarding. Amen"

"P.S. Please make them eat!"

Fall. Autumn. Whatever you call it, we're having a real one this year!

And I'll be honest, I've truly come to like my "2" seasoned San Diego. 

It was 46 degrees this morning.  46.  Do you hear what I am saying? 

I did wear pants and a sweatshirt, but I still wore my flip flops.  Take that New England "Fall."

Sadly tomorrow is the last day of summer and I am in mourning.  My flag is at half  mast, my windows are adorned with black.  My soul is crying...

Ok, maybe that is a little bit of an exaggeration, but I honestly LOVE perpetual summer.  Le sigh.

I have what I have been assuming is a cold, and whole I still think I have a cold, I also think I have some kind of pollen allergy here.  Ugh, all these trees and grass and stuff.  Hahahaha. 

I need my sand and palm trees! 

I am excited to start planning our annual trip to the Pumpkin Patch!  I just have to find the right one...Ooooh the hayrides and apple cider.  The photo opportunities!  In my mind this will be such a good time and we will have this memories forever.  In reality, I will say "what was I thinking?"  But in the end...it will be beautiful memories and lots of fun with some crazy "I-have-too-many-small-kids" moments.  Sweet Chaos!!!

My mom will be here in a few weeks too, so they kids will love that! 

So since we're coming up on this fun fall season, share with me your favorite Fall traditions and Halloween fun!! 

Please? 

Bad Bloggy Bad!

I apologize.  I haven't blogged in a while.  Every moment that I have had time to sit down and blog, my mind has gone blank.  Totally and completely blank.   Very unusual for me.

School has started back up.  Ava is loving the first grade, I am missing having her at home.  The twins were accepted into the preschool program here, so they should start next week or the week after at the very latest.  Luckily, they are only half day.  Next year when Ava, Tess and Elijah are all full day, I am going to be so sad.  Probably makes me the odd man out, but I love having my kids home with me. 

Don't get me wrong, there are days I pray for college to get here and with a quickness that defies logic, but most of the time, I treasure just being in their presence.  They are such amazing kids.  In spite of me being their mother! hahahaha. 

It has started getting really cold here in the mornings and at night.  It was 50 degrees yesterday morning.  Um, no thanks!  EEEEK!  This "spoiled-by-San-Diego-weather" girl is in denial. 

Well, hopefully, soon I will be back up and blogging more frequently.  I'm sure you all have been missing my random thoughts and musings!  Have a happy Thursday!!

It can NOT be November 7th fast enough to suit my needs.

Politics. Politics. Politics.  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Ok, look I do believe that people should be informed, involved and VOTE in this country.

What I am tired of is a media that is biased and promoting their own agenda.  I am tired of the mudslinging...and it is just getting worse! 

Please.  PLEASE just tell me what you are going to do and then if you get elected TRY and show us you are trying to do just that. 

“Any government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you have,” said President Gerald Ford.

And honestly, I think we are just getting too big.  We are looking to our government to provide for us, when that's not who should be doing it.  We should look to God, to ourselves, and to our neighbors.  It kills me that people don't want help from their neighbors, but are willing to take help from the government.  And don't get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with help from anyone, but the problem is people are starting to look to the government and it's assistance as an ENTITLEMENT.  Oh no.  Not good.  Not good at all. 

I was reading online about Christians and voting, I came across this article and if you have time, you should read it.  http://www.perrynoble.com/2006/08/29/jesus-the-bible-and-politics/

Of course for me, as a bible believing Christian (who messes up in multiple ways EVERY day) I looked for some biblical guidance.  I used the Message translation as I feel it is the most easily understood in particular to our society and government.  The two I found are below:

^1-3Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it's God's order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you're irresponsible to the state, then you're irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible. Duly constituted authorities are only a threat if you're trying to get by with something. Decent citizens should have nothing to fear.  Romans 13: 1

Hmmmm.  Authorities are only a threat if you are trying to get by with something....ponder it people.

1 Peter 2:13-15

The Message (MSG)

^13-17Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you're a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

I think it is important here to remember that even though we may think "How could God allow this to happen?  This person to be elected? etc It is part of God's plan.  And we need to be on our knees praying.  Asking God to show us who he wants us to vote for...Because the reality is, we are a nation that is allowing God to be edged out and then we cry outrage at the state of our country.  Ask God, he's got all the facts!!

And please, please, please VOTE on November 6th!!!

Oh Facebook! You shouldn't have...no, really!

I love Facebook.  Love it.  Even with some of the drama that comes along with it.  For me, as a military spouse, it's a fantastic way to stay in touch with friends and family we leave all around the world.  But even if I weren't military, it's pretty awesome for keeping in touch with all the people of my youth. 

So let me list a few of the things I love about Facebook:
1) Helps me keep my sanity some days
2) I love all the pictures I get to see of my friends and family
3) I actually like knowing what my friends and family are thinking randomly on a daily basis.
4) Getting to share news quickly
5) All the funny ecards etc


Here is what I don't love about Facebook...and it actually has nothing to do with Facebook the corporation. 

Facebook is the Passive Aggressive person's best friend.  Does it make it ok to say something like "nobody cares" etc if you put a smiley face behind it?  Ok, in some cases that person saying it IS someones best friend or sister or IS joking.  But too many people are just rude, mean, facetious etc because they  hide behind their computer. 

Why am I blogging this?  Well.  Dear friends, I recently had an issue.  When people do this on my page, I generally ignore it, delete the comment or private message the person if it offended me, hurt my feelings or I deem it otherwise inappropriate.  Grown up of me, huh?  I can be mature...sometimes. 

Having said that, a person I am not even sure why I was friends with them in the first place...another blog for another time: Facebook Friending- Ettiquette?  Anywhooooo, I digress.  Said person made multiple snarky comments to a mutual friend and then would whine on her statuses (rudely and pointedly) to make said person and others feel guilty/shamed etc.  Those of you who REALLY know me....Yes, I did finally say something.  I said that I had some advice that she could take or leave, but that if she really needed help, maybe she should watch the tone she takes on FB.  And then I actually addressed her problem and gave her some resources. 

Fast forward 20 minutes and her status pops up in my newsfeed about how people should take their negative and mean comments elsewhere as people don't know the backstory of a post etc. and she had deleted her previous rude status. To her new status I replied "I assume you are talking about me and that's ok.  However, I did not say anything negative or mean, but seeing has how this IS FB, this post could have NOTHING to do with me at all." Which she promptly deleted. 

It actually really irritated me.  So much so that I went back and forth on messaging her and fully unloading.  But I did not.  I simply unfriended her.    Why does this bug me so badly?  The fact that she anonymously said untrue things about me or the fact that she feels she can be blatantly mean, hateful and rude on FB?  Probably a little of both.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I do know her backstory and she is simply trolling for people to give to her no questions asked.  Is she in need?  Yes.  She is, but I know why people aren't helping her.  That attitude.  AGH!  I am trying not to get snotty or rude, but man it has been hard.  And if I am being honest with myself and by virtue then with you...a light bulb just went on in my head and I think I know what the root of the issue is...

The person of which I speak is pregnant and she is having a hard time.  She was put on bed rest and generally ignores it when it suits her, whines about the lack of help when it doesn't.  I offered her my advice on many occasions before this, as I DO have some experience in this arena.  And therein lies the deepest issue for me, I suppose.  I have lost a baby, and spent 12 weeks on bed rest with Tessa and Elijah...I can't imagine doing anything that would jeopardize my unborn baby or their safety.  I know some people may think I am being harsh and maybe she just doesn't have anyone to help her and that's ok.  My life experience is different and I tend to have very strong, very rapid, very intense emotions on this. 

So thanks, blog friends for letting me write through why this, in particular, really bugged me.

Just do me a favor, eh?  If I somehow offend you, hurt your feelings or otherwise upset you on Facebook, message me.  Chances are I am CLUELESS that what I said came off wrong.  Oh, also, live by my motto:

"Never say something behind someones back that you won't say to their face."

And in this case, I will alter it "Never say something on Facebook that you wouldn't say to their face in real life."

Post away friends, post on!

Entitlement! It's like an evil disease!

Entitlement: noun : belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

If you sign a contract stating that company X will pay you $5,000 for your services (typing data to serving food, to being the boss of everyone) then YES, you do deserve your money.  You work for it, you earn it. 

I have just been overwhelmed lately by the crazy sense of entitlement I see everywhere.  And believe me when I say, I have NOT been immune to this disease.  I definitely went through a phase where even though I KNEW I didn't deserve to get something for nothing, I wanted it to work that way...

And if we're all honest, we've all been there, done that at least for a short moment in time.  I've worked since I turned 16.  Started Domino's pizza the day after my 16th birthday.  I paid for my gas, my car insurance, eating out etc.  I'm not saying my mom or Grandparents never slipped  me some cash to help me out, what I am saying is that I mainly worked for my "stuff."

I got to do some really cool stuff when I was younger and a lot of that was courtesy of family members who were willing to let me have opportunities they didn't.  Mainly travel, in high school.  Major blessings.  So this is in no way a rant about how I was never "given" anything cause that just would NOT be true.  Having said that....

People.  Work is not always fun.  Even if you LOVE your work, there will be bad days, days you don't want to get out of bed, days you just want to go out and have fun.  I get that.  But what do you think pays for that fun?  Or that bed you want to lounge in?  Am I saying that taking a mental health day now and again is a bad thing?  Absolutely not.  What I am saying is: Stop whining and start doing! 

Fun after working hard to earn is that much better!  And sometimes fun is a long way off and it seems like hard work is all it will ever be....there is end at the light of the tunnel.  As Dori would say "just keep swimming!" 

I've recently said to a few different people: "Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to "bad" people."  As a Christian, I know that I have definitely NOT gotten what I "deserve" which without the blood and Grace of Jesus would be eternal damnation.  If that's too much for you (and I know for some of my non believing friends-that's pretty deep and serious stuff) I just think that people don't get what they deserve in general, even by our cultural sliding scale of what we deem good vs bad. 

In our culture, I would be deemed a good person.  Well, my firstborn daughter died.  Did I deserve that?  No.  This is why I say to people, life isn't about deserving.  It's about serving.  Serving our God, serving our families, our employers, our neighbors, and, yes, even those we don't like.   It's not easy, and it's not always fun or comfortable.  But it's right.  The more we serve others, the more we see serving in our own lives.  What we put out into the lives of others we get back in spades.  Jesus tells us it is so in Luke 6: 38:

"³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Sometimes I love using the message translation.  Today is one of those times:

^37-38"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

Seriously, how true and awesome is that? 

I believe we need to start being more aware of those around us and less focused in on our own needs and wants.  This is not saying that you shouldn't care for yourself, because you do need to take care of yourself.  It's as important as caring for your  world. 

I'm not really sure where I wanted to go with this when I started...I just needed to vent.  Life isn't about what you can get, it's about what you can give.  I don't have much in material ways, but I have hands and feet that work, a heart that feels...And I have love and happiness to share with my world. 

Save your drama for your mama!!

Drama,  Drama, Drama!!

I don't care for the made up type.  I have enough genuine trauma and drama in my life.  Real stuff.  Important stuff.  Life changing stuff. 

I just don't want to be involved in all the silly stuff that people get hung up on.  Although, I admit I DO let that stuff get to me sometime.

The one thing I can say with a certainty is that I will not gossip about someone behind their back.  If I have an issue, I will take care of it myself, face to face and hopefully in a kind manner.  My motto is "never say something behind someones back that you won't say to their face."  And I live by that. 

Let's just say, today I was burned by someone and it's been YEARS since that happened.  I felt like I was 15 again, huddled in a bathroom stall, listening to whom I thought was a friend bad mouth me.  I'd never wish that on anyone. 

I was lucky and there was someone there today to defend me, but it still sucks. 

I thought women grew out of their "mean girl" phase.  I'm just sad today. 

Oh Olympics

These Olympics are killing my sleep schedule.  Killers, I say.  And I KNOW I will be up late tonight cause it's the women's All around in gymnastics.

Speaking of gymnastics, Ava has been begging for gymnastic lessons.  It's time.  The cost is a bit high, but I have to let her try.  My bigger fear is that she'll be realllllllllllly good at it and want to go the distance, which is fine, we'll find the money.  What I can't handle is all the injuries and abuse her little body would undergo.  It's tough being a mommy sometimes.  Why can't I just put my babies is a plastic bubble and call it a day?

Elijah starts soccer in August and Tessa will be signing up for dance again.  Oh, my wee little babes.  Our idyllic summer relaxation is coming to an end. 

I already know I'm gonna miss my babies. 

Levi is gonna hate all that attention!  HA!

Ok, off to watch more Olympics!! I can always try and power nap right?

Pack Mentality...in a good way.

I don't know about you, but I was made to run in a pack.  I long to be a part of something greater than myself.  I need the socialization I get from being in a pack.  The encouragement, discipline, TRUTH, fun and everything else that comes along with being in a pack.

I am lucky and come from a great pack.  My family is awesome and I am lucky to have them.  My sisters are fantastic and my brother likes me (ha, that's a good thing!) My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are phenomenal.  Yeah, we have our issues.  But we choose to love anyway.

Having said that, I was actually thinking more tonight of my "herd" if you will.  I love Ice Age.  I love ALL of the Ice Age movies.  I haven't seen Continental Drift, so no spoilers please!! 

What I love most about Ice Age is that they create their own herd when time, space etc separate them from their pack of origin, again, if you will. 

I was sitting here thinking of how some of the people I know tend to be quite content without having a good girlfriend to laugh with, chat with, be silly with etc.  Only having acquaintances for the occasional play date etc and I realized with 100% clarity that I will  never fit that mold. 

Don't get me wrong, my husband and children need to be tended to first, but I also need the rest and rejuvenation only a good girlfriend night out can give...even if it's kids in bed and Scattergories on the kitchen table. 

Anyway, I just wanted to salute my herd.  Thank you Beth Hart, Cassondra Harris, Corrie Alcaraz, and Beckah Carr.  One is my original herder.  HA.  And two are my California herd, one part of California, but also herd by marriage!!  But what I know is that my California herd is definitely like my original friend herd.  Meant to go the distance, through time and space.  I miss you guys.  I love you guys.  And I am so thankful that my pack of origin and my herd of  hilarious friends are so awesome. 

This is not to leave out my other "herderettes:"  Jeniece Wiessner, Shelly Schrimpf, Chantel Seas, Aubrey Racey, Carly Kerr, Erin Harding, and Karen Cole.

And of course, special shout out to my Ohio Herders, Heather Koon and Mindy Braumiller. 

And as Sid would say: "You're hanging out with me now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it."

I loooooooove you!!!!

Cat got my tongue...

Hello out there in Blog World.  I haven't posted recently....haven't had much to say.

Went to visit my sis in South Carolina and that was a loooooooooong drive with 4 kids under 6 and no hubby.  But we had a blast!  We did Avery's 4th birthday at a water park (super fun)  I personally LOVED the slide.  Met up with some of my fellow twin moms and headed to the zoo, then to Amanda's for a BBQ.  It was a great day! 

Went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Va for a day and that was also a total blast!   What was not fun was the drive home.  HOLY TRAFFIC!  Ugh. 

We've been home a few days now.  Trying to get back into the swing of things.  I kind of went wiggy today and realized I can't handle the clutter anymore.  Today I declared my living room to be clutter free.  The rest of my house may go to Clutter Hell in a handbasket, but I must have this oasis of clutter free.  I must!!  Currently feeding the man Goldfish...and not fast enough according to him.  Barbie's Christmas Carol is on TV and I am multi tasking.  Up next?  Vacuuming and getting dinner started...yeah, I am uber exciting. 

Oh, I had some pics taken...Look at my beautiful kidlets, niece and nephew and my oh-so-adorable almost one year old!!

For better or worse

Man, I know I have the reputation for being a happy, upbeat girl...NOT that you could tell by the last few posts.  Happy girl is in there, she's just laying low looking for her opportunity out. 

This transition has been rough.  On me in particular, but that is starting to bleed out to the rest of my family.  My kids certainly deserve a better me.  But my husband in particular, really, REALLY does.  I'm hoping my upcoming trip to visit my sister really helps lift my mood.  I need it. 

The way things have been just have me thinking about my vows.  And how Jason is honoring his in this "worse" time for me.  I can't be very easy to love when I am so out of sorts.  I've been moody and crabby and mean.  I finally realized last night how badly I must have been behaving, because for the first time in over 7 years of marriage, my husband went to bed without telling me goodnight or that he loves me.  Sleep must have been a nice escape. 

It really hurt my feelings and I got myself a little worked up over it...ok, a LOT,   But then, I realized, it isn't really about me.  That was about Jason and his need to self protect.  It made me feel very small.  I miss my husband and I miss me.  I miss US! 

Ever been in a room full of people and felt completely and utterly alone?  That's how I've been feeling.  My sleep is messed up, my attitude sucks and I feel very overwhelmed.  I was thinking of a song  last night when I was in the middle of working myself into a state, the lyrics are as follows:

"I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud." 

I think it's odd that I have spent so much time with Jason and yet when things get out of whack, I'm not sure how to approach him.  So I simply said "I miss you."

He said "I miss us."  Which is ironic since that was AFTER I wrote the above paragraph.  So tonight, when the kids at VBS and Levi tucked in bed, I'm just going to hug my husband, and maybe cry a little, because for better or worse, he's on my side. 

I love you Jason.

 

Debbie Downer must die!

Ok, ok, so that may be a little dramatic.  But I feel like a Debbie Downer.  Or a Witchy Wanda or Groaning Gail or maybe a Miserable Mindy.  Whatever, pick a name.  At some point in the last week these have ALL fit me. 

I am trying to remember that I had an equally hard time adjusting to California.  The people here tend to stick to themselves A LOT.  Which is hard for me.  There are groups and cliques and gossip mongers.  Yes, I realize these are EVERYWHERE, but I am trying to find out where we belong here. 

I am desperate for a girlfriend that can come over and drink tea (ha-diet coke if you know me!) and have a playdate.  I just need someone (other than my awesome husband) that is an adult that I can talk to...

I try to text and call Cali, but it seems every time I have an opportunity, it's not a good time there.  Darn you 3 hour time difference!!

The longer it takes to find a church the more I can feel myself getting crabby and withdrawn and I hate it.  I need to be surrounded by other people of God.  I miss the community of Newbreak.  I miss my peeps.  Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Maybe I should have also said a crying Cathy???

Please PLEASE keep praying that we find a new church home soon.  And a friend.  Friends for my kids (which I know they will make when school starts) friends for Jason.  I stink at discernment and boy, that would be a helpful gift to have when picking out a new church.  Gosh, we've been so lucky in Ohio and California on quickly finding a church home. 

I'm also sad because Jason works so much.  Yes, I know the life of PAO, Been there.  Done that.  But man, it's harder when you're the one at home with 4 kids wishing you could 1) spend time with your husband and 2) give your husband the kids and get out of the house.  But 2 never happens, cause 1 is more important.   I also think it's stressful because I don't know that Jason really gets how stressful it is to be constantly with the kids. I know he gets how much a handful they can be, annoying, whining, fussy, messy fighting creatures...but it's the constant mental and physical toll of being the main parent 24/7 .  It's such an effort to get out of the house with all 4 kids, I feel home bound some days.  Of course, there isn't as much to do here and no one to go with...

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? ...

I kind feel like a need a "two."

But then I think of God's word to me so often in my life:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11

Thanks for letting me mope a bit.  I miss you all. 

Road trip!

We like to party.  We like, we like to party.  Are you singing it in your head yet?  No? Google it.  GO!!! 

Phew we have been BUSY lately.  Two weekends in a row up at the mountain in Vermont.  We got to see Jenn, Odie, and kiddos (Jesse, Bella and Jacob) the first weekend and I had NEVER met the twins and Jenn had never met our twins and they are 4!  Long overdue in seeing the Florida clan. 

We also went to Uncle Shaye and Auntie Sam's house that weekend and Elijah wants to go back ASAP. 

Back up the next weekend for the Annual 4th of July party.  It was awesome seeing everyone.  Well, everyone minus the Florida peeps and Beckah.  Who is only God knows where....I have a good idea, but I'm not sharing.  LOL.

And as an added bonus, some of my "original clan" came up to New England.  We had Dave, Stacey, Blake, Abbey and Bo for 3 days and it was AWESOME!  Got to celebrate Bo's 16th birthday with him, which was awesome.  We checked out Ocean Beach in New London and had a blast, tried a Wood fired pizza place for dinner and it was DELISH.  It was just nice having them with us.  I miss them too much now.

And since a recent cross country driving trip was NOT enough, next weekend the kids and I head out to see Auntie Toni, Uncle Mike, Regan, Avery and Addison Grace!  In Columbia, South Carolina!   I am so excited, but I'll be honest, NOT looking forward to the drive.  I have to leave my hubby at home....I wonder if he would be able to take leave?  Hmm.  Probably not.  I rarely see him here.  Work work work.  AGHH. but I digress.

Road trip bound!  And then we get back and head to the Cape for a weekend.  After that, this girl is NOT MOVING for a week.  Just gonna sit and stare blindly at  the wall.  Haha, I wish.

SO say some prayers for my sanity, would ya?  And safe travels of course. 

The drive will be long, but the trip oh so worth it.  Haven't seen my sissy in 7.5 months.  Which may not seem long to some of you, but it's too long for me. 

Anyway, expect party pics.  They may look a little like this:

Keep it Real

The point of my blog tonight is very specific. Very. I joined the event "Keep it Real Movement" on Facebook. It's about holding magazines accountable for showing REALISTIC pictures of celebrities. The goal is for ONE picture in each magazine per edition to be unedited. Just one picture of what a celebrity looks like without Photoshop can make a difference in the mind of a young girl. In the mind of a grown woman.

Who says that we must look a certain away, weigh a certain amount, wear certain clothes, so on and so forth. Society, some random people we don't know and honestly probably wouldn't like anyway. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being thin if you are healthy about it. But guess what? Thin is different for every body size, shape, and person.

Being healthy is the goal. As such, I decided to join My Fitness Pal.com. I haven't been watching what I eat and won't for the first week. I want a really good look at what my "normal" diet looks like. Two days in and I can say my calories are good, but I had no idea on the fat content. WHOA, gotta cut some dairy. But the point here is that I am doing this to be healthy. I want to have more energy for my kids, I want to feel better, sleep better. I want to live longer (God willing) and see my babies have babies and enjoy retirement with my husband.

Added to the that the VERY MOST IMPORTANT (and yes I realize that is terrible grammar) reason I respond to this Keep it real initiative is that I have 2 beautiful, bright, amazing, awesome, sweet, loving, generous girls that I want to be valued for more than the way the look. Their personalities shine brighter than the sun and their joy for life should never be diminished by someone telling them they aren't "enough."

They are enough, they are MORE than enough in every way imaginable. I want for my girls to work hard at everything (even their pesky chores), find their passion in life and live it, be a bright and shiny star for God, and know that all things in life are worth working for, sweating for, and dreaming as high as the sky.

I want them to know that they can achieve and if they fail, they just need to try a different way, be adaptable. Failure isn't the end, it's a learning tool.

Generosity, Hope, Grace, Faith, Love, Determination, Discipline....these are things my daughters were born with and I intend to help them develop those muscles. Their inner beauty will shine brighter than anything else. Their eyes will be bright with love, their smile shining with grace, their words affirming with hope and encouragement.

So let us be the ones to say enough is enough. And let's place value on what's really important.

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
 People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
― Sam Levenson

A small note: It's becoming a very real issue for boys as well. I pray that my boys never feel any less than what they are based on their looks(or abs) as well. My boys are beautiful inside and out, they are capable, they are wonderfully made.

P.P.S (HA) I'd like to issue a challenge to my friends, join me on My Fitness Pal.com and lets conquer our health together. I want to be the one to place limits on my body, not my body putting limits on me. Plus, I could use the accountability! My user name is Inshockmom. Find me, friend me, encourage me!

A reminder from your Abba who loves you:

"...What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.

^4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated. 1 Peter 3:4-6 The Message

I'll take a little Cheese with my whine...

I hurt!  My knee hurts.  My hips also hurt.  But the hips are the by product of Physical Therapy.  I had no clue my hips were so weak.  Pitiful.  I was going to keep whining, but honestly...I just don't have the energy.

Got a lot of organizing and situating done today.  The kids rooms have a few more things that need to  be hung up still, curtains in my room etc

Jason and I tried a new church this weekend.  This one may be a possibility  I think we may try a few  more before deciding.  Man, it's SOO tough. 

I felt a lot chattier before I started typing my blog.  Now I apparently have writers/bloggers block.  HA.  My talents know no end.

Speaking of talents and gifts....I have a request.  I'm pretty good about seeing what other people are good at etc, but I just can't seem to find my own gifts lately.  So not to make myself seem over important or anything, anyone want to tell me what talents and/or gifts that you think I possess.  I'm just trying to be more able to contribute something useful... And wow that doesn't make much sense, but I hope you all get what I am trying to convey.  Trish speak can be very, um, interesting.  And sometimes hard to decipher. 

Oh  my!  How did it get to be 11 pm????  I need to go to bed.  Nighty night!!

Summer is here!

Things are starting to settle a teeny bit.  Lots still to do: curtains to hang, pictures to hang, garage to clean...isn't that the story of our life?  Odds and ends that need to find homes in this home or go to someone else!

This week starts the beginning of Summer vacation!  The best part of that is not setting an alarm clock!  I still get up early (thanks Levi) but having virtually no deadlines to keep or meet is FANTASTIC!  Plus, I love having my kids all home with me.  Yeah, weird I know.  By the end of summer I may be ready to rescind that...LOL. 

I'm now accepting crafty, fun and free (or cheap) summer fun ideas.  If you have any, let me know!  So far our summer activities to do include:

Visiting the Mystic Aquarium, going to the beach, library events, going to the pool, trying out every playground in a 20 mile radius, Tye dyeing some old shirts/socks etc and getting a little more life from them!  Visiting Nana and Grampy's house, and Uncle Mike and Auntie Leasha, of course!  Possibly weaseling an invite to Cape Cod for Char and Al!!  And really what I hope is the piece de resistance:  Getting Beckah home on leave after her deployment *hopefully* before Ava goes back to school...oh and Seeing Aunt Toni, Uncle Mike #2 and kids (Regan, Avery and Addison)  I miss my sissy and need to see her!!

I feel truly blessed to be able to be home with my kids and get to enjoy summer vacation with them. 

I've been struggling a lot with this move.  I feel truly displaced and not sure which way to go...we tried a church and it just wasn't a fit for us.  Not even close.  We're trying a new church this weekend and I am praying that this one at least feels like a maybe.  Typically, that's how we make friends...I got so spoiled at Newbreak.  I  love it there.  I'm trying very hard to be open minded and willing to let a church grow on me, I just truly want to be at a church that has Life groups.  So necessary to me. 

of course, it doesn't help that for a year after every baby (sometimes longer) I struggle with Post Partum Depression issues.  So feeling isolated, well,  it ain't helping!  Jason will have some long and interesting hours this summer too.  No fun.  So far it seems as if his boss will be very good about comp time and the like...Say some prayers that I make a friend soon.  I need one.  (Here in Groton that is!!)  Because I have amazing friends all around this country, I just want one that can come over for tea in 10 minutes or less.  :-) 

I hope everyone has an absolutely divine summer and that you can truly enjoy all the blessings God has poured into your lives!  Drop me a note sometime and tell me about them!!

Slacker!

I'll never be the Queen of Blogs.  I don't know how people do it EVERY day.  That's a lot of writing and while I like to write, I think if I did a daily blog, people would stop reading.  Mundane.  LOL.

We're still unpacking.  A few more boxes upstairs and there will be no more boxes, but stuff is still "homeless" all over the house.  And I mean ALL OVER.  Jason is a rock star and I pray that I never have to move and settle into a new house while he is deployed.  EVER.  He's such a tireless worker.  I think the hardest part of moving is finding a new place for your stuff.

We have a donate box, sell box and trash pile going.  Can I say how AMAZED I am at the trash the movers packed?  Pretty gross. 

Ava has her last (second last anyway) day of kindy at Charles Barnum Elementary on thursday and I am mega bummed as they do not have a Kindergarten graduation.  I really wanted one!!  I feel jipped. 

Took the kids to Eastern Point Beach yesterday as Ava had a field trip.  It's a really great family beach! Levi likes sand.  He didn't eat near as much as I thought he would.  He liked how it felt though.  And on that note, I will leave you with some pictures of our fun day! 

Levi's vampire tooth! 

Hope everyone has a great day!!!

Long overdue

Hi all.  Or maybe I should just say "Hi Self!"  Still not really sure anyone reads this!  As I sit typing Levi is shaking my table and I imagine this is what it's like to type at high seas or in the middle of an earthquake.  LOL.  Never a dull moment around here. 

So we made it to Groton, Connecticut.  Yep.  Not much else to say so far...I can give you a brief synopsis of our trip:

Hit the road (2 hours later than planned) Forgot Levi's heartbeat bear and Lullaby lamb.  Return to Cassondra's house to retrieve it.  Hit the road again.  Take 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times as long to arrive in Vegas than it actually takes.  Have pizza and yummy fruit at our friends Shenay and Taylor's house.  Wake up.  Have a yummy breakfast courtesy of Shenay.  Hang out with Natalie and Kahea.  (All 3 of these ladies are twin moms I met when preggers with Ava and Sophia) Jason fell in love with a toilet seat.  Toto in case anyone needs a really good toilet seat experience.   Leave Vegas.  Almost get in an accident 15 minutes later, not even out of Vegas.  EEEK!  Take the rest of the day to have heartbeat return to normal.  Stop  in Grand Junction.  Get up in the morning, drive the Jeep and Armada separately through the Rockies.  Beautiful in case you were curious.  Drive until 2 AM to make our hotel in Salina Kansas, which was a a complete dive BTW.  Leave KS, pull over several times for Elijah to throw up...meet uncle Dan at a ghetto McD's to get the key to Grandpa's farm.  Arrive at farm, visit Aunt Donna, have pizza, Grandma and Grandpa sighting!  OMgosh!  The kids were ecstatic.  I may have been happy too!  4 days of luxury without any crazy time spent in the car.  We went on golf carts and 4 wheelers at the farm, saw Abbey graduate, saw Jesse graduate, played with Colt and Gabi,went to Chuck E Cheese, had a small Scentsy party!  Hung out with some fun Fosters and relaxed.  Left MO.  :-(   Drove to Columbus.  Went to dinner with amazing friends, had Levi start throwing up everywhere (You ARE welcome fellow Max & Erma's diners) had yogurt with friends and a super special family (very near and dear to our hearts) the Nelsons.  Stayed overnight with Heather and Dennis (spending time with them reminded me of HOW much I miss them) Left OH, stopped in Media, PA after the worlds most boring and awful turnpike....certainly it wasn't maintained well enough to cost us $30.50.  Stayed overnight with Aunt Judy and Roland.  Skip town around 10 am.  Sit on the GWB for 2 hours.  Need to pee desperately.  Hold it for 2 more hours.  Stop at rest area that is now closed for renovations.  Drive aimlessly around until we find a Wendy's.  Pee.  AHHHHH.  Relief.  Eat lunch.  Drive some more.  Arrive in Groton CT after hours in Traffic.  It's cold.  Gray.  Unwelcoming.  We pull up to our house and Tessa says "NOOOOOO!  I wanted our house to be yellow!"  And so ended our cross country trip. 

I'm sure I left out little nuggets of awesomeness, of which, when I remember, may make it to the blog, so don't feel like you missed out on anything.

We're here.  We're settling in...Ava is back in school, we're still unpacking...Anyone want to come help??  We have a bed you can sleep on!! 

It's so hard to say goodbye

Le Sigh.  It has officially begun. 

We had our initial move out inspection this morning.  We vacate our home in less than 2 weeks.  All these months of waiting and now it's here.  I'm so torn.  Part of me is ready for our next Perry Family adventure and a larger part of me wants to stay right here and stay with my friends, my church, my life in San Diego.  I am comfortable here.  I know my "role" in this place. 

Now it's time to move on and see what else God has in store for us.  And it is SCARY and exciting all at the same time.  I can't tell you how many people have told me recently that I am lucky because I am so friendly and outgoing and make friends quickly...and while that is partially true, it's still incredibly hard to do. 

I just want to pack Cassondra, Corrie, Carolyn (WOW- I must like "C" people) Shelly...and a few other gals in my suitcase.  They are not just my friends, they are my military family.  And I will miss them.  I thank God for Facebook, email, smart phones...all the technology we have is great, but it just isn't the same as giving them a hug or having them over for dinner.

FYI ladies, I am making your summer vacation plans for you next year.  Just sayin'!!

The next 14 days are going to FLY by.  I am not currently accepting Goodbyes.  I will start accepting applications for tearful goodbyes on May 12th at 7 pm PST. 

And then you will all get to see HUGE ugly face, honking, dripping nose crying from me.  Probably. 


"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord.  "Plans to Prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

All about the crazies....

Holy Cannoli! (As Tessa likes to say!!)

SO much going on.  But first, a few little sneak peeks into my life:

There is NOTHING and I do mean nothing, that is sweeter than hearing your little boy sing in his low pitched voice "Bless the Broken Road" and then talking about how cool that it's his mom and dads wedding song.  Love that boy.   Seriously, look at his face.  Unnnnnnnh.  So handsome.

And speaking of boys, Levi is hilarious.  Seriously.  Broke his first household item yesterday.  Gave me a heart attack, cause I thought for sure that Vase was out of his reach.  HA!  Not so.  Also, he loves and I mean LOVES playing with shadows in the sunlight.  How sweet is he?

And then there is Tessa.  There are so many things I can say about her...LOL.  My sweet little hoarder that happens to be a bit of a hypochondriac.  Today, she came in laughing from the kitchen and said as she was giggling "I just keep tooting and tooting and tooting!"  My little teeny one can clear a room.  Yeah, she'll be embarrassed to read this in a few years.  Love you Tessa!  P.S. She just informed she was shot by the bad guys that got out of jail.  Where does she come up with this??????

And there is Ava.  My sweet, nurturing Ava.  If she chooses to be a mom one day, she will rock at it.  The girl is always concerned for her siblings, she just doesn't want them to be hurt or scared or alone.  She's a wise old soul, but occasionally she let's that little girl inside peek out.  I needed Swiss cheese  for a dip and I picked it up from the grocery store and as I put it in the cart she informed me that I was "buying MOUSE cheese!"  She was so hilarious.  Mouse cheese.  Love it.

My kids are hilarious.  There are days I could sell them to the circus.  But so many days they bring such laughter into my house...even on the craziest of days.

I'm really a lucky mom.  Even if my kids are secretly aliens. 

Sad little short timer...

It's been a while.  How does life get so busy?

Let's see, I went to VEGAS BABY!  And I lost big.  I lost a whole $2 on the penny slots.  LOL.  I did that so I could say I gambled in Vegas.  Otherwise, I ate food with friends, hung out with friends, got a massage, read most of a book and had a Margarita at Margaritaville.  Giggled for HOURS with some great friends and bought 3 new pairs of shoes. 

Came home, had 2 Scentsy parties, and planned the twins 4th birthday party!  It was fun and insane!  Lots of kiddos were here.  It was a fantastic day. 

Now onward.  It is fast approaching D-day.  That would be departure day.  From San Diego.  And some really awesome friends.  A fantastic church.  Beautiful weather.  23 days left in this gloriously awesome place.  I really love it here. 

I have grown so much as a mother, wife, and Christian.  I know that God has a plan for us, but man, in my mind, I would be staying in California where I have friends and a life and a schedule.  And an awesome church. 

I'm a friendly person.  I make "friends" easily enough, but I want to stay with the ones I have.  Even for someone as friendly as I am, starting over is hard.  I miss the ones I leave behind.  I don't want to just become some one's Facebook Acquaintance.  Le sigh. 

I am trying so hard to be positive.  I know without a doubt I will make great friends there, and it will be AMAZING to live near family.  I plan on driving Alicia Perry absolutely crazy with my proximity!  LOL.  She'll be wishing I was back in California before too long! 

It's just coming on to the end of an era and I am having a hard time letting go.  I love the place I am in....but I have faith that God has something greater for me, for us.  Just keep us all in your prayers.  We're gonna need them!

Vegas BABY!!

Vegas BABY!!

Yeah, I'm a little excited.  No, I don't gamble as a typical rule of thumb.  BUT I may play a penny slot in Vegas just to say I did it!  I'm having a girls weekend in Vegas and it's just in time.  Cause we just found out we'll be pulling chocks out of San Diego May 15th. 

This weekend, I am going to try and sleep in....read a book.  Get a massage.  Eat a full meal while it's hot.  And laugh my booty off with some good friends.  I'll post pictures if I'm allowed.  LOL! 

I need to pack, but I'll be honest, I sent out messages seeing what everyone else was packing cause I don't want to be the one with the biggest bag.  But I am sure I will be anyway!  Cause that's how I roll. 

Shoes take up so much space, eh? 

Anyway, I'll see you all on the flip side of Vegas. 

Don't worry, I won't get in too much trouble! 

Happy weekend everyone!!

A second chance

Happy Easter everyone!  I know I haven't been writing as often as I should.  I kind of feel like everything I write should be important or newsworthy, but my life is kind of mundane at times.  And I am going to try and keep up better with my blog.  I know one day I am going to be so happy I did this!!

As a Christian, today is pivotal in my life.  Jesus died and rose again on the 3rd day, conquering death.  "Oh death, where is your sting? Oh death where is your victory?"  In Jesus' action on Good Friday and Easter 2000+ years ago, he took the sting out of our physical death and our soul death.  We talked at church today about the things we believe whether true or untrue.  And we talked about how it's ok to doubt God!  He isn't at all insecure and he knows in our seeking, we WILL find him.  Thank you God for loving me enough to send your son to die for me. 

Easter was hard for me this year.  Not usually a tough time of year for me.  Solemn when reflecting on Jesus' sacrifice, but otherwise, a time of great celebration.  This year was just difficult.  I don't know why things happened this way this year, but the correlation of sending your son to die for the sins of people yet to come and having a child that died, just due to life circumstances, kept circling in my head.  I know that their is no way I could have sacrificed a child for the whole of the world.  Myself?  Maybe.  My child?  Never.  It truly is a miraculous gift. 

Sophia really must have been on every one's mind.  Ava asked me if we could get her a Christmas present for under the tree this year...and she asked me that this morning, randomly, out of the blue.  But what I know is this:

Grief is a life long process.  I can get by for months without a truly sad episode and then one day-WHAM!  BAM!  It hits me and it really takes nothing to set it off in particular.  I think of her everyday.  Every. Single. Day.  Maybe the March Of Dimes walk being in April this year also added to my thoughts of her...combined with Tessa and Elijah's birthday.  I so wish Ava had her twin to share her birthday with...and I know she does too. 

Sometimes I smile when I think of Sophia.  Sweet baby is definitely in a better place, but, oh, how I long to hold her here with me.  Other times I just cry.  All the what ifs...

The thing is, if I don't want you to know how I am feeling, you won't!  And most of the time I am a completely open book.  I have no secrets.  But my grieving process over Sophia is intensely personal.  And 9 times out of 10, I choose not to tell people how I am feeling.  Not even my husband.  Not because he can't handle it, I know he can, but again, grief is so very different and his days of struggles are his own and unless he needs me in them, he does his own processing.  As do I. 

It's easier, safer, less painful for me to write of it.  Then I don't have the sympathetic eyes, the very kind "I'm sorry's" and other peoples emotions to deal with...which I know sounds mean and weird.  But some days I can barely handle my own emotions.  And I feel like I have to soothe other people when I am sad about all this.  Strange but true.  Some days I can and do talk very matter of factly about what happened and keep the emotions at bay...other times I can not speak of it because the emotions are too much. 

Grief is a emotion I am all too familiar with...and I tell you this today, as an absolute fact in my life:

If I didn't believe with my whole heart, mind and soul that I would see Sophia again in heaven, I know I could never climb out of the dark hole that is losing a child. Hope.  Blessed Hope.

 

1: to desire with expectation of obtainment

2: to expect with confidence 

 

 You see, the thing about the Resurrection, is that I will see my sweet baby girl again one day.  I will hold her perfect in my arms. I will tell her all of the things that I have longed  to say to her each day of my life.  Because The Resurrection gives us all an opportunity at a second chance. 

If you would like to donate to Team Ava's Angel and Friends for the March of Dimes Walk, please visit my website and click the donate link.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/AvaandherangelSophia