The Thirty Days of Trisha Truth: Day 1

OOOOOOH!  The day we have been waiting for...day one of Truths about Trish. 

Some of the daily truths are a little teenager-ish and may be tweaked, but then again, maybe not. I think just by answering the questions, I will learn, relearn or otherwise realize things about myself, so I am kind of excited by the whole thing. 

Day 1 Truth:  Something that I hate about myself.

Seriously, where do I begin?  And by saying that I am in no way saying I hate myself.  In truth, I am quite content that I am made the way God made me.  So let's weave through some of the things I don't like about myself. 

I'm going to start superficially and say I don't like my weight.  Not a fan of it.  But then, I am working on it.  Go me!  Otherwise, I am pretty happy with my looks.  I'm not a smoking hot babe, but I'm no slouch either.  Make up, well, it pretties me up to my hearts content.  Plus, it's fun to play with...

If I had to say there is something I hate about myself, it would be the constant inner turmoil.  Do this or that?  Motivate or procrastinate?  I think we all do this, but some people have a much better grip on their inner struggles and have peace with it.  I tend to let myself believe the lie that I am the only one who struggles each day, even if it's only in little ways.  I beat myself up because I should be, do, act better.  Or sometimes, do less. 

I remind myself of Paul.  Well, it's the only time I'll admit that I act like Paul anyway(even though he is an amazing man of God, he often gets on my nerves...mainly beacause he speaks truth into areas of my life I'd like left alone...more on that another time!)  When he says in Romans 7: 15 " For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe." (amplified version)

Oh how often do I do this???  Why do I keep sitting on the couch staring at the mindless TV instead of getting up and doing my devotions?  Or taking a walk?  Why do I often choose to do to the things that bring me guilt and shame instead of doing the things that bring me peace, joy, health?

A wise man I know (hint: it's Pastor Jim) asked me the other day if I ever felt bad if I skipped a meal.  My first response was no.  I don't feel bad.  But I would feel bad if I made someone else miss a meal.  The point being, devotions are like a meal.  We need them and they sustain us, but should we feel guilty and shamed if we miss one??  The answer is, of course, no.  God longs for us to be in his word and he knows it fulfills us, but he is never condemning, the voice of guilt and shame?  It's not God. 

So in closing, is there anything I truly hate about myself?  I've decided the answer is no.  Because I think the only way I could hate something about myself was if it was unchangeable.  And I believe that through God all things are possible.  Including changing the things about myself that I would rather not admit. 
Stay tuned for Day 2 this week!!